Friday, December 16, 2005

Prayers and Thoughts

I haven't known how to write about this or what to say as things have been progressively changing. Here is a letter from my mom to her friends and family explaining all that she has been and still is going through. Your prayers and thoughts will be gladly appreciated during this difficult holiday season. If you want to email her or any or our family, you can write to

This has been Bcc'd to all of you because I needed to let you know
what has been going on with me, thiese past few weeks. It is very hard
to write because I have been putting it off, and you are all such a
diverse group of friends and family on my email list. Some of you
might be online friends from various interest groups (and if you are,
this whole email is not for the 'lists'), some might be people thatI
have a professional teaching connection with, and some might be dear
friends who need to know this (and you are welcome to share this with
anyone I know who would want to know) and some of you are family who
already know but I am sending this letter anyway.

Please forgive me if this is too familiar or not familiar enough,
depending on which category you fall. I simply went through my
contacts and visualized all on my list who are not here in Kansas with
me and already know. Anyway, I would have loved to write you all
individually, but...and you know how I dither on, so bear with the
story because there is a beginning, a middle, another beginning,
another middle, and we are still waiting for the end.

I lost 50 lbs without trying to. The PERFECT way to lose weight,
right? Anyway, at my exam I was found to have a mass in my abdomen
area. Which is why I hadn't noticed I had lost 50 lbs. I kept looking
at myself sideways in the mirror and there was this belly. I finally
decided that's what getting old was. BUT it was also why I hadn't
noticed the mass.

My girls finally saw my shoulders and made an appointment. She did the
exam, didn't like the mass, didn't like the weight loss accompanying
the mass, did bloodwork. Scheduled a CT.

The next day there was a "Some good news" email from her. Very, VERY
hyperactive thyroid, unknown until now, don't know how long it had
been going on, but in her opinion, that was a very positive thing
(imagine that!) as it meant hopefully that it was not a malignancy
weight loss situation but a thyroid weight loss situation. I remember
thinking, as I read her email, that my mom would be so proud, because
I had NEVER had an 'overactive' anything! (Those of you who knew me in
college better shut-the-hell-up, my aunt and uncle and daddy are also
reading this email!)

CT got cancelled so they could deal with the thyroid which had to be
irradiated and they couldn't do the CT before the thyroid...something
about the iodine. Which also meant two days at home alone. When Rob
picked me up from that appointment, I found him in the car with his
neck totally encased in three layers of aluminum foil and a huge wad
in the shape of a triangle on his crotch. I LAUGHED ALL THE WAY HOME!
Instead of the CT I had a sonogram. To quote the techie, "Wow! This
thing is BIG!"

Following that was an appointment back with my doc. She broke it to me
that because of the mass and a high CA125 test, which I didn't realize
she had ordered, that I had Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer. One day before
Thanksgiving was this news. We did have a great Thanksgiving as it was
the first time since college started that we had all been home at the
same time and no one had any fights at the dinner table.

My doc made an appointment at KUMed (University of Kansas Medical
Center) because they have a GYN oncologist and Topeka didn't. It
snowed 7 inches the day before the hour drive but the roads were OK,
and off we went. I hate driving in the snow so much, that when I saw
how much we had I told my principal not to worry about my outcome,
that I would have a heart attack before even getting there.

To sum up, the visit was great. There are still many things to worry
and pray about, but the specialist did not think that it looked like
OC. We are hoping she is correct. There is still the mass to worry
about and I willl have, hopefully an outcome worthy of a National
Enquirer article, "Topeka woman has a "Wow, this is BIG!" mass removed
and no one EVEN saw it coming!" article.

It could be a fiboid gone wild (our choice). It could be worse. It
could still be what my original doc thought first.

So, Pre-OP Monday in KC with 5 inches of snow expected Saturday ending
Sunday. Don't worry, I'll probably have a heart attack before even
getting there! Surgery will be Wednesday WITH a Hysterectomy that I
begged for 15 years ago. See, dreams do come true you just have to
wait a while.

Please keep Rob and especially my kids in your prayers. Those of you
who know me and how hard it was for me to lose my mom while I was only
35...I am truly not thinking of ME when I say I don't want my kids to
go through that at 18 and 23. Heck, most of them have just now started
talking to me after I was so 'unreasonable' all through high school.
Bekah, she's 23, we've been talking for quite a while!

I love you all, in so many different ways.

"There are many ways to say I love you. There are many ways to say I
care about you. Many ways. Many ways. Many ways, to say, I love you."
Mr. Rogers

"As my Uncle, Santanna Rosannadanna used to say, "Rosanne
Rosannadanna, It just goes to show you. It's always sometihing. If
it's not one thing it's another."
Gilda Radner/Rosanne Rosannadanna

Please feel free to write if you want to but I don't know when I'll
get back to answer. Please don't call right now, the kids will be home
from college tomorrow and I have things to do. Rob has made a blogger
account which you can check what's new. For now, that can keep you
updated, and I'll hopefully be able to talk to you soon.

Pray for us anyway, but especially on Wednesday and after.
Love, Blake


Lovin' Life Liz said...

I will be keeping your mom and your family in my prayers!

Julie said...

I'm so sorry that life has been so difficult for you lately and that I haven't been able to help out. I'm glad that there might be better news about your mom. Forgive me, but I'm excited to know that you will be in topeka for a little while, but am sorry that it had to be under these circumstances. I hope that James has luck finding work and I will keep my ears open. Keep in touch when you have time. Love~ Julie