Saturday, January 22, 2011


not long ago, i heard someone speak about how sometimes exactly what we need are the challenges that are already laid out in front of us. i feel like i have had quite a few challenges dealt to me over the last few years. what i find repeatedly is that i am exactly where i need to be.

i've just entered my third trimester. it's easy to be panicked about this new life as a single mom. people throw all sorts of questions at you. there is a look of worry in people's eyes as they ask, what are you going to do?

i have a choice. i can freak out about my so-called "situation." if i am truely honest with myself, i know that this is a journey i was meant to take alone. i choose to have faith. i know that everything i need will be provided for me. i focus on the things in my life i am gratefulful for. so many oppurtunities have opened up for me and i know that this is just the begining.

i have been gifted so much time working with other people's children. i know that no amount of money will make a difference while raising my son. it's all about love. that is the one thing i have plenty to give.

i observe so many people, going with the flow, following the path that others expect from them and they never seem satisfied. i can relate...i used to live like that. sometimes i still do. it's hard not to.

it is my hope, that by starting to blog again that i can inspire just one person to take control of their life and live it abundantly. i am really excited to be entering into motherhood. although many people around me except this joyously for me, because they know this is a perfect fit, it also continues to be a struggle. so many people view what i am going through as something negative. i view it as incredible and joyous!

Monday, January 10, 2011


i woke up this morning to the 6am phone call. i suspected this meant that my household was having a snow day. i had gone to bed early last night and i wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep. my head was spinning with all the reasons why i wished i had the quiet house to myself today. which is really ridiculous because i live in the most respectful, loving house with some of my favorite people in the world.

why is it so important to me to be alone? there is a freedom i find in my solitude. i can be my purest self in each moment without any sensors. my guard can be down. what i am learning, having had to give up my own space and live in community with others, is how i can find that solitude and space within the collective.

it's really hard for me to cut loose and feel free to be myself all the time. but i strive to do that. finding that solitude and authenticity helps me be a better musician. i can sing more freely. i can cut loose easier on stage in front of a crowd of strangers. it makes me a better dancer. i can let my body free to explore the depths of the space around me.

i found my solitude this morning while everyone was still sleeping. i bundled up in all my warm snow gear, a spandex belly band holding up my snow pants and walked out into the dark morning. it was incredible. the world was so quiet and still. i was the first one out on the blanket white sidewalks. i question, if i was still living alone, would i have found the motivation at 6:30am to take that walk that was so good for me?

in conclusion, i found just what i needed this morning and enjoyed every minute of it. recognizing that baby will be here soon and these moments are fleeting.