Saturday, September 02, 2006

Google videos

I've taken small videos wih my camera off and on for a while. I finally figured out how I can post them so everyone can see them. There isn't any sound but they are kind of neat to watch if you like that sort of thing. Enjoy!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The moral is...don't quit your day job!

Ok folks, here is a link to a competition my band is in. I just heard these songs a few moments ago. I have a LOT to say but I want everyone's opinions first. I am not writting what I think until I get a decent response. I am not fishing for compliments and my feelings won't be hurt. I want honest responses no matter what that may be. We all like different types of music so I expect a wide range of responses.

Click here!

Thanks for your help!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Why we didn't move to Lawrence sooner...I will never know. I'm just glad we are finally here. Even my sister admitted to me finally how much she enjoys Lawrence too. It's just to bad it's so hard to find work here. James is really lucky to have landed the job he did...not to mention he has a fun time working there.

I could go on and on about the reasons I love Lawrence but for now I will just focus on the last few days.

James and I haven't seen very much of each other in a while. The more we are apart, the more we strain we have on our relationship. Things have been so busy for me, it has beed hard to try and be on the same track as a couple. It's so hard too because, every spare second we have had together, there is someone begging to see us or making us feel bad about not being around. We usually give in since we feel bad and forget to take time together. Thank goodness our time off was in the middle of the week. Everyone just assumed we were working and our phones barely even was wonderful!

After a wonderful day on Wednesday with my girls, we packed up and head out South about 10 miles out of Lawrence to Lake Lone Star. James had suprised me by renting a canoe. Oh, a big important thing I forgot to mention. James' parents gave a truck a few weeks ago and we are using to it's full potential. We have wanted a truck for a long time and now we are just in heaven. So James strapped the canoe to the top of the truck and off we went.

We got there as soon as we could after work and set up camp. We couldn't wait to get the canoe in the water so we found a loading dock and strolled around the lake until sunset.

It was so nice to be so close to home yet so far away from the caos we have been swimming in for awhile.

We woke up the next morning and went canoeing again while it was still cool. There were very few people on the water. We had the lake all to ourselves. We got back to Lawrence, returned the canoe back to Anderson Rental (who we will try to never use again because they were SO rude. Not for any reason...the owner's daughter just had horrible customer service skills and over charged us because one of HER employees messed up). We we on our way home to relax at 11am.

Friday we got up and threw our bikes in the back of the truck. James found the 9 mile loop of maintained Mountain bike trail along the river and we did about 4 miles.

Friday night James and I parted ways. He went to work and I went to Topeka to hang out with my dad. My friend Matt was playing at a place in downtown Topeka. We went to hear Matt and the minute we walked in the door, he took a break. We have wonderful timing. So we hung out and drank beer. Thank goodness I had been drinking 'cause Matt asked me to sng with him on a duet he had written. I agreed but tha was something I wouldn't have done normally. I NEVER sing on the spot but it was Matt, and we had rehearsed that tune many times, even if I hadn't done it in a while. Being put on the spot, I felt akward and I think you could tell. I didn't sing great but I didn't sing horribly either.

Saturday we got a late start but wanted to try the trails again. We were tired and sore from the day before so we were planning on keeping the ride light. No such luck...we ended up doing the entire 9 mile ride...which ends up being 10 miles to where we parked. We didn't mean to do the entire thing but long story short, we did. We could barely keep going on the last leg of our ride. We survived and had a amazing time.

Saturday after we got back from our ride at about 2pm, we went over to see a rental property that someone told us about. We love our apartment but it is a little small and we both agreed that should we find something downtown that was in a similar price range and unique, we would consider it. The lady who rents there now needs something cheaper so we may just switch place. That would be SO nice if it were that easy. So we are considering moving again. This place is one of a kind. Not much bigger than our current place but it has a loft upstairs for the bedroom. Nothing is for sure...we are just thinking about it. Some extra space would be nice.

After that my dad brought his out of town guests to Lawrence and we walked around and drank coffee and ate yummy food! It was a good time, although, all we could think about was getting our tire bodies back to the couch. But at least we didn't have to drive to Topeka for once so we were happy!!!

Thursday, June 29, 2006


Check out pictures of my buddies from Crimes of the Heart!

P.S. I am trying yo get a good blog entry in soon. I have been spending every spare minute, literally, trying to catch up in my class that ended today. That means 5 weeks of work in 36 hours...AHHHHH!!! I hate being a grown up. Contratulations to all the grown ups who have children and still manage to get through school. I am sleep deprived enough as it is. I can't imagine trying to do this with children!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


Last week, a friend of mine wrote me a letter concerning my blog entry June 9th. Naturally, you may be quick to assume that the second entry that day was due to this letter. I will admit that it certainly was brought on by that moment but it has been something I have wanted to write about it for a while. Please, if you have a comment to make about something I write, leave a comment or if it's privite, send me an email. I just don't do well with putting my feelings out there and then having everyone ask about it. If I wanted to take the time to talk about it, we would have discussed it already.

This friend made some really good points. I have re-read and re-read the letter. Trying to figure out what I was so upset about and what I can learn from this experience. Being a great writer and an intellegent, mature person, he said some things that struck me.

Like I said before, I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. But the one thing he said was that, hypothetically speaking, people could base conclusions about people based on what I had written about the cast members.

Since I didn't use names, I figured I was safe in saying how I felt about things. Then a person, familiar with the show made a comment about what I had written and there was some misunderstanding as to who exactly I was talking about and what all had happened. That really wasn't a problem, especially when there was more information provided but it made me think. I know my friend was right in saying conclusions could be made based on what I had written...and now I have been provided proof.

I still don't know what to do about it. Should I simply avoid topics that I feel stongly with? Obviously, talking about people is going to come up every now an again, so what do I do to not piss any body off. Or do I worry about it at all? Maybe I should just deal with challenges as they come up.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

My Birthday!

My birthday has already gotten off to a great start. My mother-in-law took the girls and I out to eat for lunch today. I love that she took the time to deal with the exciting element children bring to an experience. Those girls aren't her family so I wouldn't have expected her to want to deal with it. But those girls are MY family and I was excited she wanted to be with all of us. As if that wasn't enough, she took us to a bead store in Lenexa and gave me a spending limit. I got some really awesome beads! So took care of the girls to make sure I got to look around this store that I was terrified to take Sammi (20 months) into!

Then it gets even better! My boss, is amazing. She is bringing the girls out to Lawrence on Thursday morning for my birthday. That is about the best birthday present ever.

Now the rest of you have alot to live up to! I love to have my birthday made a big deal of but it doesn't have to be about the monetary things. Of course, that's always a bonus but I am still just BLOWN away that my boss is taking the time to bring the girls out. They are such a wonderful family!!! It's so simple and sweet and that's what makes it so special!

Friday, June 09, 2006


I think my days of on line journaling is about to be over. What the fuck is a blog supposed to be for? (Yeah, I use fowl language...A if I do keep writing, you can expect to hear/see more of it.) If you chose to read my blog, you chose to take me and except me for all of who I am. Thank god my mom and dad do! But I can't stand continually hurting people's feelings because I say what is on my mind at that MOMENT. It's a moment and by me getting it out in the open it makes it easier for me to deal with. I get to caught up in the negative stuff and I try and get it out so I can move on and be happy. This public writing isn't working out to well for me. I try to sensor things to make sure I don't hurt anyone's feelings but no matter how vague I keep things, I end up hurting someone's feelings. Someone always wants to know if I meant them. My mom always told me not to write things down if I didn't want people to read it. The paper journal has worked out for me pretty well so far, and I am ok with someone, someday after I die, reading what I wrote. I've fucked up. I've done things I'm not proud of...and I have written about so I can get over it so it doesn't take over my life and bog me down.

Maybe tomorrow I will have something to say about all of this but for now I am sad and upset and TIRED. I am SO tired I can't even stand it.

Crimes of The Heart opens June 16th!!!

Rehearsals are going much better. I am getting to know my cast mates better which has been exciting and frustrating all at the same time. My biggest frustration on this show is learning my lines. And there are a TON of them. I have a lot of stage time and my character is not a quiet person.

There is one girl in the show who tries to boss me around as if that is going to make me magically learn my lines. I know it is frustrating when someone you are working with constantly has problems remembering their lines but there is not much more I can do about it at this point. I set up extra appointments with people to work on lines, she gets there late, gets distracted by every little thing imaginable, and then has the nerve to tell me how to memorize my lines. After about the 10th distraction, she is confused as to why I insist on leaving and working on it at a different time. Then she tells me obvious information that I already knew as if I don't care and I'm not working hard. She just isn't very respectful to other people's time. It's ALWAYS about her...never about anyone else. God forbid.

We lost one of our main characters to illness and had to replace her. The first replacement, from Lawrence, dropped out too. She had agreed to take me home that day so I was stuck in Topeka. My cast is awesome and just about everyone volunteered to drive me home on their tank of gas. So anyway, we finally got our new cast member a week ago (keep in mind, we open in a week). She is kicking our asses. She has SO many lines memorized, her southern dialect is pretty darn good, and I think she is a cool girl. She is 17'd never guess it though. She fits in the group well and brings an interesting dynamic to the production.

There are two men in the play. One is 25, and has done a lot in his life. Probably more than I care to know about. He is nice, respectful, polite and always encouraging to other cast members. When I got stuck in Topeka, he offered to take me home on his motorcycle if it scare the shit out of me. I turned him down at the time since going 70 or 80 miles an hour down the highway did scare the crap put of me. I asked for a rain check...something a little bit more calm like a ride around the block! He keeps busy and doesn't share too much about his personal life. As I learn more about him, the more I am intrigued by him. There is much more to be discovered about this gentleman.

The other guy is 19. That's they person I have show with. He confuses the hell out of me. I don't know him super well but from what I have observed, he is very introverted but very passionate about his music. It's almost as if he is so into his music, it make it difficult for him to socialize. He doesn't really say how he feels about anything and he is always ok with everything. We hung out on Wednesday in between rehearsals. Excluding the time I spend with my James, I had more fun with him in just a few hours than I have had in a long time. I just felt really comfortable as if we had been friends for a long time. It's exciting to meet someone I think I could be good friends with. Music is our common ground and it's exciting to me. We worked on one of his songs he had written and now I am even MORE excited about our show. Then yesterday he was acting so strange. He didn't want to hang out because he had a lot of stuff to do. That's understandable. But then at rehearsal he seemed so withdrawn.He was supposed to give me some CDs so I could start working on some songs but then he took off after rehearsal was over. I know he had a headache and it could be as simple as that but then when I called him later to ask him about it I got the "accidental answer." You know, when someone accidentally answers when they meant to hang up and make the phone quite ringing. It's just strange. I am sure I am making something out of nothing. I guess, I just want so badly for this to work out well because I am so excited about our music compatibility. I worry too because he really doesn't need me. I don't really even know if he wants me to play with him. He says he does but for one show only or long term or what. I guess I will just have to see what tomorrow brings.

Then there is my friend from Lawrence who is also in the play. We always seem to be on the same page. We are open and honest about EVERYTHING...maybe a little too open and honest. But it works for us. I am SO grateful to have her in the show. We have known each other a long time but we are just now getting to be GOOD friends. I never imagined we would get along as well as we do. It make sense's one of those situations where we were either going to love or hate each other. The biggest thing I look for in friends is honesty, openness and RESPECT. You wouldn't think it would be that difficult, but it has been for me.

That's all for now, folks!

Monday, June 05, 2006

August 9th

I just booked my first official gig yesterday. It all kind of happened by accident. Let's back up a few weeks...

I started rehearsals for Crimes of the Heart at WU a few weeks ago. When we got our contact sheet, I went home and looked everyone up on myspace and facebook, cause I'm just nerdy like that. I found the myspace page for a guy named Matt ( I was blown away to not only see that this guy was the same age as my siblings but he was a wonderful musician. I emailed Matt right away and told him that I was in a folk band but we hadn't done all that much yet but we kind of in the same genre as him. We agreed that we would eventually get together and jam.

James' friend from work, books bands for different events. I knew this but hadn't really talked to him much about it. We've talked a lot about my work with the band but I he hadn't offered and I hadn't asked to be booked since neither of us think the band is ready. Plus, he has a reputation to uphold and would only book stuff he was confident would be sucessful. From what I know, he really only book bands he is super familiar with and not often new bands just getting started.

Yesterday , it was pouring so I gave James' friend (well my friend too, but he and James are close),Tom, a ride to work and asked him more about it.

I said, "So, how do you book your bands? Do you book anybody or just your friends, or what?"

He explained that it started out that he would just help his friends book shows but now it has turned into something more. "Are you wanting me to book you?"

I said, " Well, me, eventually. But this I was asking for this guy I know." I discribed Matt and how I had found him. I told him about his music and that I wanted to work with him on some stuff.

Later that afternoon, as we were leaving his house, we were talking music like always. He asked me if I would be interested in singing back up vocals for his roommate. James and I told him that was something I was very stong at and I would love to do it. He listened to two tracks of Matt's and booked both of us to sing together. I was just trying to get Matt booked for something but I wasn't about to turn down my first offical gig. Now that would just be dumb.

But here I am now, about to dive into a new project with someone I barely know and we are performing in two months! Ahh! Our play opens in less than two weeks. Our theater class ends in four and then we will have a whole month to pull together a 45 minute set between the two of us. I'll have to rely heavily on him though because he's plays all the instruments.

Matt is excited about the collaboration, thank goodness. Within the bluegrass/folk genre we are at the opposite ends of the spectrum so I think we will have a really unique sound. We'll see what happens. Now is the rush to see what we can call ourselves. We'll be taking creative suggestions over the next week so Tom can get flyers reprinted with our name and date on it! Yeah!

Ok, so here is the info you need to know. Wednesday, August 9th, 7:30pm at Louise's Upstairs in Lawrence. It's a bar so the show will be 21+. Here is the info I am unclear on...I think it is two dollars if you get there before 7pm and three dollars after 7pm. I hope everyone can make it!

Prom Update

Prom was an amazing experience. We started our night by meeting some of my band members at the Jackpot, in Lawrence. Listening to the radio on the ride over, we heard that there was a long line of people waiting to get in so we were in no hurry to get to Kansas City.

The Prom started at 6pm or 6:30pm and we didn't even get there until 8:45pm or so...ok, this is never goinging to get finished...

Here is part of a paper I wrote about the concert.

On April 5, 2006, my husband and I got dressed up and went to an Alternative concert that was apart of an event called “Second Chance Prom.” It was sponsored by Kansas City, Alternative radio station, 96.5 The Buzz. The event started at 6pm but the headlining band, The Dresden Dolls, weren’t playing until 10pm. We took our time going out to Kansas City from Lawrence, not really knowing what to expect.

My husband has been a fan of alternative music for a long time. I, on the other hand, only started listening to it as a way to not sing on the long car rides commuting from place to place. I listen to a wide variety of music, usually depending on my current mood! I don’t mind alternative but it isn’t my favorite thing to listen to.
When we arrived to The Madrid Theatre, the setting was your typical prom setting. There where cheesy gold and silver decorations everywhere. The audience was filled with people who looked like they would be “misfits” in high school. There were many people there who looked like they may have been apart of the “in crowd” in high school. It was a strange combination of people. There were people with colored hair and costume outfits. Lots of people proudly wore dark make up, tattoos and odd piercing. Strangely, I felt very comfortable, like I, for once, didn’t stand out in a crowd.

The Dresden Dolls where accompanied by a living statue that stood still for three hours in the main lobby. There opening act was a group of belly dancers. I had only heard a song or two on the radio and was beginning to really wonder what else to expect.

The two members of the ensemble finally came on stage, also dressed in their prom attire. Amanda, composer, vocalist, and pianist wore a green prom dress from the 1980s. The drummer, Brian, also wore a dress from the 1980s but it was quickly removed and he wore a pair of boxers for the remainder of their performance. Based on all the exterior craziness, I imagined we were going to call it an early night.

The piano started softly, in a very repetitive sequence sparked my interest right away. As the song continued, it was very warm, and energetic. Most of their music kind of sounds the same; dark and rich. I have been having a difficult time finding words to describe their music. I heard their style of music referred to as “Punk Cabaret.” Strangely, that kind of makes sense to me but I am not sure why. It reminds me of something you might hear in a Cabaret or Vaudeville performance.

I missed the audience reaction to the artists. Some people sat upstairs on the balcony while others stood up close to the front of the stage. I did both. My eyes were glued to the performers as this passion poured from their very being. I have never seen musicians play as passionately as these two were. Music could have been coming from their pores!

Amanda uses her voice and lyrics like an instrument. Much like the early vocalist of Jazz, she uses the voice in a variety of ways to help add to song. Her words and vocal quality help paint a picture of the emotions she is trying to display. Listening to her songs was (and still is) like hearing a story.

The couple exited the stage at the end of their set. They were gone for what felt like forever. They came back on to play their new single, Sing, a beautifully melodic song with a beautiful message about using music as an instrument for communication. The words, “Just sing!” rang out, followed by a series of notes and tight harmonies that make you want to sing out in agreement! A perfect ending to this wonderful evening!

I went home energized and excited. Well that’s not entirely true because I fell asleep on the way home! The next few days, I craved that experience again. I wanted their music around me all the time. I finally got their old album about a week later and I couldn’t shut it off. This music made me feel. Some songs make me want to dance, while others make me want to cry. The point is that it makes me feel something deeper than most music has ever done for me before.

I don’t know that I would recommend that anyone go out and buy theses albums or go to their concert. I think The Dresden Dolls are amazing and write songs about truth and real issues. With reality, comes issues some people don’t want to hear about. The idea of “out of sight, out of mind” is not a popular theme of this music. This music presents problems as if, just by discussing it, it will make it better. This music is not for the easily offended! I would recommend giving it with an open mind!

The Dresden Dolls are coming back to KC in July. I had my heart set on going but I didn't buy tickets because I didn't have the money. Now they are sold out...grrrr. Maybe I can win tickets again. But at least I can say I had the oppurtnity to see them once!!

Here are some pictures from that night!

Going to the Prom

Going to the Prom

Thursday, May 18, 2006

I think this will be fun!

I did one for my friend Josh and I thought it would be fun to see what people think about me. It will either boost my self esteem of I will fall into a great depression. I'm not really that fragile. I am just curious!

Monday, April 03, 2006


I FINALLY won tickets to Afentra's Second Chance Prom. I am SO SO SO SO SO excited. Let's not event hink about how I can't really afford the cost associated with going but I am sure I have a friend out there who wants to let me borrow a little extra cash!

Everything you can think of associated to prom, they are going to have. The only difference is that everyone there is going to be 18 or older! They are going to have a photographer with the cheesy background, a prom cover band and everyone has to wear formal attire! I am so excited!

I didn't think I had a chance. First of all, I didn't think they would have many tickets left since the prom is on Wednesday. Then, I started listening super early in the morning and heard that they would be giving away tickets everytime you heard the phrase, "Woo, I'm gassy," Or "I'm gassy, Woo."

I called the second I heard it and it started ringing...she answered and I said, " May I have tickets to the prom, please." "Mmmmm, NO!" Anfentra said! I was so crushed. I was So close to winning my tickets and then there they went becasue I didn't understand the freakin' rules. So I called over and over again throughout the day. Sometimes it was busy and another time it just rang and rang. So then, right at 10am when the show was almost over, I finally got through again! I said, "Woo, I'm gassy!" Now I have my tickets.

Elizabeth had no idea what was going on but she was just as excited as I was. I explained that I wanted to win tickets to go to a dance like the one she had gone to with her dad. She ran around the house jumping up and down saing, " I won! I won!" and "Woo, I'm gassy!" Her mother was thrilled to find out I had taught her 4 year old such a lovely phrase!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Feeling sorry for myself...

I never want go do stuff I hear advertized on the radio. For some strange reason, I am obsessing about Afentra's Second Chance Prom. I have been trying to win tickets but no such luck yet. Not to worry, even if I did win tickets, none of my formals fit me anymore. Maybe a miracle will happen.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

No Work Today!

My new nanny job is wonderful and aweful all at the same time. I really enjoy the family but I think my decision was tainted by my want of being friends with them. The dad has a horrible temper and we have already started to bump heads. He is great on a social level but I don't think I can work for him.

This situation is very different and I can hardly even call myself a nanny but they need that type of person in their houshold. The youngest child has addition needs that keep them very busy. This draws attention away from their older child's needs. They do a prety good job at keeping a sane household but rules have not been established to help from there being a CONSTANT need for cleaning.

One of the parents is almost always home. That doesn't bother me but it has caused some trouble between all of us as to who is in charge. If the mom was home all the time things would be great. After the first major incident with the dad, my anxiety levels have gone through the roof. I started worring about having to go to work on Wednesday before I had gotten to my first job on Monday morning. By worrying, I mean, horrible butterfly and nausea feeling in my stomach.

I talked to the dad last night and I think, "What's the big deal?" It's not that bad, I like him, he's a good guy. But for some reason, I feel disrespected and almost put down by him.

So to change gears, let's discuss the "title" of this entry. No Work Toay! Oh boy, I needed a day off so I am very greatful. But this gives me even more reason to think tha perhaps this may not work out. I had to call the family this morning to say I had a cold. I'm glad I did call because it's a really serious matter trying to keep the baby healthy. Anytime he gets sick, the damage to his lungs is irreversable. I didn't really understand how seious they were about the germs. My first family I worked for was insane about germs but I still had to go to work.

So I have a cold today. It's really not that bad. I feel kind of yucky but nothing that would keep me from work or school or even going out to play. It's the type of cold we have all had a million times and you just keep going. Not for me. That means no work.

Now, while I NEED a break from work to get school work done, I also NEED to go to work to get paid so I can pay for my bills and my way too expensive car! It will be interesting to see how this will all work out. My guess is that I DON'T get paid. If that is the case, I really need to look at finding another job. I get sick a lot. That's just the fact of the matter. I work with children and we go out and expose ourselves to germs all the time. We wash our hands and try and stay healthy but there is only so much you can do.

So there are really two differnt issues here as to why this may not work out. With the money being a secondary concern, I am not the kind of person to stick with a job that make me UNhappy. I tried that and I only made it four months. I was miserable and my entire life changed. I did things I swore I would never do. I don't ever want to have to go back to that unhappy place again.

I think the hardest part is that there isn't someone right behind me waiting to take my job. It takes a special person to be the right match to the right family and it takes time to find that person.

In my case, it takes time to find the right family. I'm lucky because I do work for the right family and I love them SO much. It's just a shame I can't work for them all the time. But the first big issue is how and what do I say to the newest family to indicate it's not working out for me. I don't want to make them mad or unhappy. I just don't want to get even more attached to thir kids when I don't think it's going to work out.

Monday, March 13, 2006

"A Picture Says A Thousand Words"

I really don't have time to blog right now but don't forget that there are pictures on that I update a lot more frequently. There has been a lot of stuff going on and there are pictures to tell you about it for now. You can check them out at:

Monday, March 06, 2006

Dedication to Julie

I have to keep reminding myself why I started this blog. I started it so friends and family could read about our crazy adventures. Now that we aren't on the road this has become more of a personal journal as it probably was always destin to become. It's just hard when I want to write about things going on in my life and I have to stop and think about who my audience is and then I don't feel like writing anymore. I am tired of sensoring myself. Not like the things I have to say are that horrible but I do have to try hard not to offend anyone. Then I think, if my parents are reading this, than anyone can read it. I feel like my life is somewhat of an open book. I don't like to keep secrets, although I am perfectly capable of keeping them, despite what some of you may think. Ok, so that is just a reminder!

My dear friend Julie just moved away to Oklahoma City. I am a little bit sad but we have been long distant friends for just about as long as we have known each other so we will be ok! Anyway, her last words to me before she moved were, "Update your blog." So Julie, this one is for you (well not the content of what I am going to write, just the actual act of logging in and starting to write!)

Financially, things have been very tight for us. It's not nearly as bad as it was a year ago when we had NO jobs and NO money. James was unemployed for a short time and I could have continued supporting us on my income the excitement of Lawrence caught up to us. We quickly blew through our savings and finacial aid and now we are figuring out how to oay our bills. We had a GREAT time but now it is catching up with us. Not to mention the gas of commuting and the horrible gas mileage of the car we have taken on to help out our friends.

The point of all this is simply to say that I have decided to take a second job. James has been wonderful through all this, he truely has taken on the role as "wife" in the stereotypical sense. He also has found two jobs but they pay worse than any job he has ever had but it's still work. It has to be hard for him to work 40 hours a week and still only make about 1/2 of what I do only working two days a week. Regardless, he is having a good time doing what he is doing and we have even gained a wonderful cat because of it.

I had been looking for a second job off and on for a while. After my degree is finished, I am not just going to run off and get a "real" job. I just don't understand how people can live their life going to work every day and hating their job. I LOVE my job. Yes I would like to have more money but it's worth so much more to be helping change people's lives. And not necessarily just the childrens' lives but the parents' as well.

While we are on the topic, let's discuss the difference between a nanny and a babysitter. Many, many people use the word interchangably. I can understand why but in my mind they are very different. A babysitter is someone from 11 and up who makes sure that a child is safe until the parents can return. This can be a grandparent, neighbor, student, ect. A nanny is someone, usually college age and older that assists the family in nourishing the mental and physical development of their child(ren). I could go on and on about it but for now I will keep it short.

I have interviewed for many positions but have decided on another wonderful family close to the first family and my in-laws. Of course that means more commuting but they are wonderful, wonderful people. I am so excited to spend time with them and their children.

So for those of you who only get to keep up with me through my blog, please know that I love you all and want to see you all. Going to school and working full time is going to be a lot of fun for me but also challenging at the same time. Thank you for all of your love and support and I hope you will continue to support me through this decision! You are all welcome to come visit me in Lawrence. James works alot now so Saturdays will be our one day together for a while. For family in Olathe, Tuesdays are always good for a lunch date with Sammi(18 months) and I!

XOXO to everyone!

Saturday, February 18, 2006

I finally got a dog!

Ya know how I have been wanting a dog for FOREVER? (Well what I really want is my dog Xander back but we all know that's not going to happen!) Well I finally adopted a puppy and it's care free and cost me NO money! He's perfect for our little studio. A big THANK YOU to my dear friend Julie for bringing Fajita and I together.

adopt your own virtual pet!

PS. Mom, you can adopt a hedgehog! (Or a llama if you are feeling adventurous!)

Monday, January 23, 2006

The moral is...for every one person in the world that lets you down, there are always at least two more waiting to pick you back up.

Now is a good time for me to write. I am at work but I have one child napping and the other lost in the world of make-believe and she won't let me play with her. When I asked her what she wanted me to do while she was playing, she told me to go use the computer. Being the internet junkie I am, I only fussed a little before heading off into the computer room.

Today has been an interesting day. I took the girls to lunch after I found out our playdate with their friends was cancelled. We had a great luch and the waitor brings our check money, no debit card. I panicked and asked the waitor what I should do. He said," I don't know, let me go ask." Then I hear a large amount of laughter from the back. True, they might not have been laughing at me but with the way I felt, everyone in the room may have been laughing.

To top it all off, James had forgotten to fill up my tank as promised the nigth before and the gas light had just come on when we pulled int the parking lot. No card, no money, no gas and half an hour away to my debit card . Then the waitor says, how soon could you be back to pay. Hahaha. Very funny. This guy must have known I didn't have any gas in my car.

I was contemplating walking the few blacks to my mother-in-law's work to ask her to bail me out. I called James who finally suggested I see if they would just run my card number. They did! One problem solved.

As I complained to the waitor about being embarrased and having no gas in my car, he suggests going to the gas station and trying the same thing. I brush off the idea and agree to go straight back to the girls' house and wait for James to bring me the debit card from Lawrence.

On the way home I remember the waitor's idea and stop at a gas station to give it a try. Expecting them to laugh in my face, I haul the girls inside to see what I can do. The gas staion was full of people. That wasn't exactly what I had invisioned when thingking about how this embarassing situation might go. I had a number written on a receipt and no way to prove that it belonged to me.

The women were very kind to me and didn't agree to it right away but eventually gave in without me having to beg. I must have looked somewhat believable. I'm sure they didn't want to be responsible for leaving a young woman and two children abandoned on the highway somewhere. (I had plenty of gas to get us back to the girls' house). Regardless of why they let me get gas and everything worked out fine!

What a Blessing! I love it when good things come out of stressful situations!

Saturday, January 21, 2006

The moral is...never stop believing in miracles!

It is my understanding that many of the people who read my blog are also keeping up with mom's blog but I want to make sure everyone know the lastest on my mom. So please forgive me if you have already this! The following are excerpts from Mom's blog

My Sweet Baboo is Home and I Forgot to Tell You

Blakie got back home about 3:30 today. I think she is doing great. The hospital pain killers are wearing off, so she's getting a little uncomfortable, but that will pass.

The doctor said she can be home for 8 weeks, but it could be less than that. She had homemade chicken soup for dinner and is watching Drumline, one of her favorite movies.

She is enjoying being home.

Blake is Doing Great

I just got back from the hospital. Yes, Blake, I know I left your room two hours ago. It's about an hour and a quarter drive. There's a Waffle House on the way...

Anyway, Blake had regular, solid foods for dinner. We took an after dinner stroll through the unit. She is doing wonderfully well. We expect her to be home by this time tomorrow.

Final Lab Results Monday

At KU Med, they like to have the patient say, in the patient's own words: what is going on, what is the diagnosis, what is the prognosis, what will happen next. Actually, I kind of like that part. As most of you know, it's fun to hear Blake's colorful words!

They also like the patient to be "informed" which means that Blake had to sign forms before surgery saying that she understood that "who knows what the surgeon will want to remove, she could be in there for hours, taking out everything, nobody knows..." Those forms are okay, I think we're all used to them in these days of CYA.

Last night, Blake was a little upset as a doctor she hadn't seen before came by to tell Blake "You won't have the final lab results until next week". They could still find some of "the C word". Well, duh!

After that, I reminded Blake that Dr. Chapman had been "eye balling" Blake's insides for 2 hours and didn't think it was even necessary to check any lymph nodes. She took out what she had planned to take out, starting with the basketball sized "mass". She took lab samples of abdominal lining and it all came back clean.

So pardon me, unknown doctor, if we continue to assume that we're done. We know the final results next week will be benign.

Benign! Benign! Benign!

Blake is out of surgery. She was in for 2 hours. Bekah and I met with the surgeon minutes ago.

The very large mass was removed and sent to the lab. All results are Benign. The surgeon didn't bother to remove any lymph nodes as, she could tell there was no cancer and no sign of cancer.

Items not needed by 54 year old women were also removed. Items still used by 54 year old women all look great with no indication of damage.

We could not have had better news.

Thanks to each and every one of you and thanks be to the living God.

Our God reigns

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Things are Good!

Still frustrated with a few areas of my life, I am relieved to be where I am at. We had a lot of struggles over the last few months but things are BEGINING to turn around. Money is EXTREMELY tight and the world isn't showing us any mercy. James is still unemployed but has managed to gather up some old business and is doing a few repairs to help out with cash flow. Hopefully that will help but with a large bill aproacing in two days it is hard to put my mind at rest about the issue.

Back to the good stuff! So as I was saying, things are BEGINING to turn around. James' parents co-signed for us and we got into our apartment. We LOVE it! It's small but good. We love the city of Lawrence. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders the second we got everything move in and even more so when we left Misty Glen for good. I love where I live, I love my job and I love having my husband back to his happy, care-free self again. Things are good! It's nice to feel so happy again.

It's amazing how much a space and situation can wear down on you so much without you even realizing the impact it has on your life. I knew we weren't in a good place but I just didn't realize exactly how bad it was.

Come visit us anytime!