Sunday, April 24, 2005

The moral is...I don't really want to have one but my dad will give me a hard time if I don't. Just read it!

I don't think I realized how long it has been since I have written. I've been going through a lot recently and I find great comfort in my journal. Let's see if we can transfer some of that to my blog!

My job is going great! I had a very frustrating week last week. I had just had an entire week off, paid, and was returning to work and having to deal with the grandparents being there. At first it wasn't too bad. But then grandma was finding extra work for me to do. I couldn't figure out how to tell her that these jobs she was having me do weren't my job. I kept it inside I just did what was asked of me. I felt that after a week off I should try to help out as mush as I could.

The extra jobs were taking up my time that I got to rest or do what I wanted to do while the baby was sleeping. I was exhausted all week! By Thursday, I was angry and thinking about looking for another job.

Being frustrated with grandma was making me think about all the dumb things that I was already a tiny bit irrated about. I don't come from a military background so it is hard for me to understand the people I work for sometimes.

I was dissapointed early in the week after a conversation with the wife. She had previously told me that I was invited to her son's birthday party. They would love to have me but I didn't have to go. Monday, it had turned it to, " Just plan on being there. I need the extra adult." Oh thank you so much. At that point, I would have prefered to be asked instead of told.

Everything is like that though. While I know they are great people and don't mean to hurt my feelings it upsets me sometimes. I think it is just what they are used to, being in the military. I know that I work for them so I should expect to be told what to do and that is fine. I guess, the problem I am having is that I chose to work for them over other, better paying, better hour nanny jobs because they were looking for someone to be apart of their family.

Maybe other families work differently but in my family we ask people to do things even if it should be demanded. It makes me feel so distant when they talk to me like that. It just makes me feel like the little 6.50/hour employee that I am instead of the caretaker of their children.

Then that gets me thinking. I could be making more money going back to my old job at the coffee shop and be done everyday but 1 o'clock and I wouldn't have to work 10 hour days. The wife doesn't understand because she is used to working 10 or 12 hour days just because that is the way it is. I on the other hand make 6.50/hour and left the coffee shop making more than that plus tips. Of course, I could bnever sit down at the coffee shop either. There are great things about being a nanny that can't be weighed my money but they have a lot of value. It just gets hard to realize when your frustrated and burnt out at the end of the week.

Which brings me to the biggest news of all, that hasn't helped my job situation any. Last Friday, my mom made a call to a woman that could quite possibly be my birthmother. I didn't prepare myself for the possible outcome because I didn't want to get my hopes up.

It was her and we have been e-mailing back and forth like crazy. however, I am tired pf writting so I'll have to save that for another day! Tune in again next time for the EXCITING LIFE OF BEKAH!

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