My new nanny job is wonderful and aweful all at the same time. I really enjoy the family but I think my decision was tainted by my want of being friends with them. The dad has a horrible temper and we have already started to bump heads. He is great on a social level but I don't think I can work for him.
This situation is very different and I can hardly even call myself a nanny but they need that type of person in their houshold. The youngest child has addition needs that keep them very busy. This draws attention away from their older child's needs. They do a prety good job at keeping a sane household but rules have not been established to help from there being a CONSTANT need for cleaning.
One of the parents is almost always home. That doesn't bother me but it has caused some trouble between all of us as to who is in charge. If the mom was home all the time things would be great. After the first major incident with the dad, my anxiety levels have gone through the roof. I started worring about having to go to work on Wednesday before I had gotten to my first job on Monday morning. By worrying, I mean, horrible butterfly and nausea feeling in my stomach.
I talked to the dad last night and I think, "What's the big deal?" It's not that bad, I like him, he's a good guy. But for some reason, I feel disrespected and almost put down by him.
So to change gears, let's discuss the "title" of this entry. No Work Toay! Oh boy, I needed a day off so I am very greatful. But this gives me even more reason to think tha perhaps this may not work out. I had to call the family this morning to say I had a cold. I'm glad I did call because it's a really serious matter trying to keep the baby healthy. Anytime he gets sick, the damage to his lungs is irreversable. I didn't really understand how seious they were about the germs. My first family I worked for was insane about germs but I still had to go to work.
So I have a cold today. It's really not that bad. I feel kind of yucky but nothing that would keep me from work or school or even going out to play. It's the type of cold we have all had a million times and you just keep going. Not for me. That means no work.
Now, while I NEED a break from work to get school work done, I also NEED to go to work to get paid so I can pay for my bills and my way too expensive car! It will be interesting to see how this will all work out. My guess is that I DON'T get paid. If that is the case, I really need to look at finding another job. I get sick a lot. That's just the fact of the matter. I work with children and we go out and expose ourselves to germs all the time. We wash our hands and try and stay healthy but there is only so much you can do.
So there are really two differnt issues here as to why this may not work out. With the money being a secondary concern, I am not the kind of person to stick with a job that make me UNhappy. I tried that and I only made it four months. I was miserable and my entire life changed. I did things I swore I would never do. I don't ever want to have to go back to that unhappy place again.
I think the hardest part is that there isn't someone right behind me waiting to take my job. It takes a special person to be the right match to the right family and it takes time to find that person.
In my case, it takes time to find the right family. I'm lucky because I do work for the right family and I love them SO much. It's just a shame I can't work for them all the time. But the first big issue is how and what do I say to the newest family to indicate it's not working out for me. I don't want to make them mad or unhappy. I just don't want to get even more attached to thir kids when I don't think it's going to work out.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Monday, March 13, 2006
"A Picture Says A Thousand Words"
I really don't have time to blog right now but don't forget that there are pictures on flickr.com that I update a lot more frequently. There has been a lot of stuff going on and there are pictures to tell you about it for now. You can check them out at:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aesopsfables
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aesopsfables
Monday, March 06, 2006
Dedication to Julie
I have to keep reminding myself why I started this blog. I started it so friends and family could read about our crazy adventures. Now that we aren't on the road this has become more of a personal journal as it probably was always destin to become. It's just hard when I want to write about things going on in my life and I have to stop and think about who my audience is and then I don't feel like writing anymore. I am tired of sensoring myself. Not like the things I have to say are that horrible but I do have to try hard not to offend anyone. Then I think, if my parents are reading this, than anyone can read it. I feel like my life is somewhat of an open book. I don't like to keep secrets, although I am perfectly capable of keeping them, despite what some of you may think. Ok, so that is just a reminder!
My dear friend Julie just moved away to Oklahoma City. I am a little bit sad but we have been long distant friends for just about as long as we have known each other so we will be ok! Anyway, her last words to me before she moved were, "Update your blog." So Julie, this one is for you (well not the content of what I am going to write, just the actual act of logging in and starting to write!)
Financially, things have been very tight for us. It's not nearly as bad as it was a year ago when we had NO jobs and NO money. James was unemployed for a short time and I could have continued supporting us on my income the excitement of Lawrence caught up to us. We quickly blew through our savings and finacial aid and now we are figuring out how to oay our bills. We had a GREAT time but now it is catching up with us. Not to mention the gas of commuting and the horrible gas mileage of the car we have taken on to help out our friends.
The point of all this is simply to say that I have decided to take a second job. James has been wonderful through all this, he truely has taken on the role as "wife" in the stereotypical sense. He also has found two jobs but they pay worse than any job he has ever had but it's still work. It has to be hard for him to work 40 hours a week and still only make about 1/2 of what I do only working two days a week. Regardless, he is having a good time doing what he is doing and we have even gained a wonderful cat because of it.
I had been looking for a second job off and on for a while. After my degree is finished, I am not just going to run off and get a "real" job. I just don't understand how people can live their life going to work every day and hating their job. I LOVE my job. Yes I would like to have more money but it's worth so much more to be helping change people's lives. And not necessarily just the childrens' lives but the parents' as well.
While we are on the topic, let's discuss the difference between a nanny and a babysitter. Many, many people use the word interchangably. I can understand why but in my mind they are very different. A babysitter is someone from 11 and up who makes sure that a child is safe until the parents can return. This can be a grandparent, neighbor, student, ect. A nanny is someone, usually college age and older that assists the family in nourishing the mental and physical development of their child(ren). I could go on and on about it but for now I will keep it short.
I have interviewed for many positions but have decided on another wonderful family close to the first family and my in-laws. Of course that means more commuting but they are wonderful, wonderful people. I am so excited to spend time with them and their children.
So for those of you who only get to keep up with me through my blog, please know that I love you all and want to see you all. Going to school and working full time is going to be a lot of fun for me but also challenging at the same time. Thank you for all of your love and support and I hope you will continue to support me through this decision! You are all welcome to come visit me in Lawrence. James works alot now so Saturdays will be our one day together for a while. For family in Olathe, Tuesdays are always good for a lunch date with Sammi(18 months) and I!
XOXO to everyone!
My dear friend Julie just moved away to Oklahoma City. I am a little bit sad but we have been long distant friends for just about as long as we have known each other so we will be ok! Anyway, her last words to me before she moved were, "Update your blog." So Julie, this one is for you (well not the content of what I am going to write, just the actual act of logging in and starting to write!)
Financially, things have been very tight for us. It's not nearly as bad as it was a year ago when we had NO jobs and NO money. James was unemployed for a short time and I could have continued supporting us on my income the excitement of Lawrence caught up to us. We quickly blew through our savings and finacial aid and now we are figuring out how to oay our bills. We had a GREAT time but now it is catching up with us. Not to mention the gas of commuting and the horrible gas mileage of the car we have taken on to help out our friends.
The point of all this is simply to say that I have decided to take a second job. James has been wonderful through all this, he truely has taken on the role as "wife" in the stereotypical sense. He also has found two jobs but they pay worse than any job he has ever had but it's still work. It has to be hard for him to work 40 hours a week and still only make about 1/2 of what I do only working two days a week. Regardless, he is having a good time doing what he is doing and we have even gained a wonderful cat because of it.
I had been looking for a second job off and on for a while. After my degree is finished, I am not just going to run off and get a "real" job. I just don't understand how people can live their life going to work every day and hating their job. I LOVE my job. Yes I would like to have more money but it's worth so much more to be helping change people's lives. And not necessarily just the childrens' lives but the parents' as well.
While we are on the topic, let's discuss the difference between a nanny and a babysitter. Many, many people use the word interchangably. I can understand why but in my mind they are very different. A babysitter is someone from 11 and up who makes sure that a child is safe until the parents can return. This can be a grandparent, neighbor, student, ect. A nanny is someone, usually college age and older that assists the family in nourishing the mental and physical development of their child(ren). I could go on and on about it but for now I will keep it short.
I have interviewed for many positions but have decided on another wonderful family close to the first family and my in-laws. Of course that means more commuting but they are wonderful, wonderful people. I am so excited to spend time with them and their children.
So for those of you who only get to keep up with me through my blog, please know that I love you all and want to see you all. Going to school and working full time is going to be a lot of fun for me but also challenging at the same time. Thank you for all of your love and support and I hope you will continue to support me through this decision! You are all welcome to come visit me in Lawrence. James works alot now so Saturdays will be our one day together for a while. For family in Olathe, Tuesdays are always good for a lunch date with Sammi(18 months) and I!
XOXO to everyone!
Saturday, February 18, 2006
I finally got a dog!
Ya know how I have been wanting a dog for FOREVER? (Well what I really want is my dog Xander back but we all know that's not going to happen!) Well I finally adopted a puppy and it's care free and cost me NO money! He's perfect for our little studio. A big THANK YOU to my dear friend Julie for bringing Fajita and I together.
PS. Mom, you can adopt a hedgehog! (Or a llama if you are feeling adventurous!)
| adopt your own virtual pet! |
PS. Mom, you can adopt a hedgehog! (Or a llama if you are feeling adventurous!)
Monday, January 23, 2006
The moral is...for every one person in the world that lets you down, there are always at least two more waiting to pick you back up.
Now is a good time for me to write. I am at work but I have one child napping and the other lost in the world of make-believe and she won't let me play with her. When I asked her what she wanted me to do while she was playing, she told me to go use the computer. Being the internet junkie I am, I only fussed a little before heading off into the computer room.
Today has been an interesting day. I took the girls to lunch after I found out our playdate with their friends was cancelled. We had a great luch and the waitor brings our check and...no money, no debit card. I panicked and asked the waitor what I should do. He said," I don't know, let me go ask." Then I hear a large amount of laughter from the back. True, they might not have been laughing at me but with the way I felt, everyone in the room may have been laughing.
To top it all off, James had forgotten to fill up my tank as promised the nigth before and the gas light had just come on when we pulled int the parking lot. No card, no money, no gas and half an hour away to my debit card . Then the waitor says, how soon could you be back to pay. Hahaha. Very funny. This guy must have known I didn't have any gas in my car.
I was contemplating walking the few blacks to my mother-in-law's work to ask her to bail me out. I called James who finally suggested I see if they would just run my card number. They did! One problem solved.
As I complained to the waitor about being embarrased and having no gas in my car, he suggests going to the gas station and trying the same thing. I brush off the idea and agree to go straight back to the girls' house and wait for James to bring me the debit card from Lawrence.
On the way home I remember the waitor's idea and stop at a gas station to give it a try. Expecting them to laugh in my face, I haul the girls inside to see what I can do. The gas staion was full of people. That wasn't exactly what I had invisioned when thingking about how this embarassing situation might go. I had a number written on a receipt and no way to prove that it belonged to me.
The women were very kind to me and didn't agree to it right away but eventually gave in without me having to beg. I must have looked somewhat believable. I'm sure they didn't want to be responsible for leaving a young woman and two children abandoned on the highway somewhere. (I had plenty of gas to get us back to the girls' house). Regardless of why they let me get gas and everything worked out fine!
What a Blessing! I love it when good things come out of stressful situations!
Today has been an interesting day. I took the girls to lunch after I found out our playdate with their friends was cancelled. We had a great luch and the waitor brings our check and...no money, no debit card. I panicked and asked the waitor what I should do. He said," I don't know, let me go ask." Then I hear a large amount of laughter from the back. True, they might not have been laughing at me but with the way I felt, everyone in the room may have been laughing.
To top it all off, James had forgotten to fill up my tank as promised the nigth before and the gas light had just come on when we pulled int the parking lot. No card, no money, no gas and half an hour away to my debit card . Then the waitor says, how soon could you be back to pay. Hahaha. Very funny. This guy must have known I didn't have any gas in my car.
I was contemplating walking the few blacks to my mother-in-law's work to ask her to bail me out. I called James who finally suggested I see if they would just run my card number. They did! One problem solved.
As I complained to the waitor about being embarrased and having no gas in my car, he suggests going to the gas station and trying the same thing. I brush off the idea and agree to go straight back to the girls' house and wait for James to bring me the debit card from Lawrence.
On the way home I remember the waitor's idea and stop at a gas station to give it a try. Expecting them to laugh in my face, I haul the girls inside to see what I can do. The gas staion was full of people. That wasn't exactly what I had invisioned when thingking about how this embarassing situation might go. I had a number written on a receipt and no way to prove that it belonged to me.
The women were very kind to me and didn't agree to it right away but eventually gave in without me having to beg. I must have looked somewhat believable. I'm sure they didn't want to be responsible for leaving a young woman and two children abandoned on the highway somewhere. (I had plenty of gas to get us back to the girls' house). Regardless of why they let me get gas and everything worked out fine!
What a Blessing! I love it when good things come out of stressful situations!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
The moral is...never stop believing in miracles!
It is my understanding that many of the people who read my blog are also keeping up with mom's blog but I want to make sure everyone know the lastest on my mom. So please forgive me if you have already this! The following are excerpts from Mom's blog http://something267.blogspot.com
My Sweet Baboo is Home and I Forgot to Tell You
Blakie got back home about 3:30 today. I think she is doing great. The hospital pain killers are wearing off, so she's getting a little uncomfortable, but that will pass.
The doctor said she can be home for 8 weeks, but it could be less than that. She had homemade chicken soup for dinner and is watching Drumline, one of her favorite movies.
She is enjoying being home.
Blake is Doing Great
I just got back from the hospital. Yes, Blake, I know I left your room two hours ago. It's about an hour and a quarter drive. There's a Waffle House on the way...
Anyway, Blake had regular, solid foods for dinner. We took an after dinner stroll through the unit. She is doing wonderfully well. We expect her to be home by this time tomorrow.
Final Lab Results Monday
At KU Med, they like to have the patient say, in the patient's own words: what is going on, what is the diagnosis, what is the prognosis, what will happen next. Actually, I kind of like that part. As most of you know, it's fun to hear Blake's colorful words!
They also like the patient to be "informed" which means that Blake had to sign forms before surgery saying that she understood that "who knows what the surgeon will want to remove, she could be in there for hours, taking out everything, nobody knows..." Those forms are okay, I think we're all used to them in these days of CYA.
Last night, Blake was a little upset as a doctor she hadn't seen before came by to tell Blake "You won't have the final lab results until next week". They could still find some of "the C word". Well, duh!
After that, I reminded Blake that Dr. Chapman had been "eye balling" Blake's insides for 2 hours and didn't think it was even necessary to check any lymph nodes. She took out what she had planned to take out, starting with the basketball sized "mass". She took lab samples of abdominal lining and it all came back clean.
So pardon me, unknown doctor, if we continue to assume that we're done. We know the final results next week will be benign.
Benign! Benign! Benign!
Blake is out of surgery. She was in for 2 hours. Bekah and I met with the surgeon minutes ago.
The very large mass was removed and sent to the lab. All results are Benign. The surgeon didn't bother to remove any lymph nodes as, she could tell there was no cancer and no sign of cancer.
Items not needed by 54 year old women were also removed. Items still used by 54 year old women all look great with no indication of damage.
We could not have had better news.
Thanks to each and every one of you and thanks be to the living God.
Our God reigns
My Sweet Baboo is Home and I Forgot to Tell You
Blakie got back home about 3:30 today. I think she is doing great. The hospital pain killers are wearing off, so she's getting a little uncomfortable, but that will pass.
The doctor said she can be home for 8 weeks, but it could be less than that. She had homemade chicken soup for dinner and is watching Drumline, one of her favorite movies.
She is enjoying being home.
Blake is Doing Great
I just got back from the hospital. Yes, Blake, I know I left your room two hours ago. It's about an hour and a quarter drive. There's a Waffle House on the way...
Anyway, Blake had regular, solid foods for dinner. We took an after dinner stroll through the unit. She is doing wonderfully well. We expect her to be home by this time tomorrow.
Final Lab Results Monday
At KU Med, they like to have the patient say, in the patient's own words: what is going on, what is the diagnosis, what is the prognosis, what will happen next. Actually, I kind of like that part. As most of you know, it's fun to hear Blake's colorful words!
They also like the patient to be "informed" which means that Blake had to sign forms before surgery saying that she understood that "who knows what the surgeon will want to remove, she could be in there for hours, taking out everything, nobody knows..." Those forms are okay, I think we're all used to them in these days of CYA.
Last night, Blake was a little upset as a doctor she hadn't seen before came by to tell Blake "You won't have the final lab results until next week". They could still find some of "the C word". Well, duh!
After that, I reminded Blake that Dr. Chapman had been "eye balling" Blake's insides for 2 hours and didn't think it was even necessary to check any lymph nodes. She took out what she had planned to take out, starting with the basketball sized "mass". She took lab samples of abdominal lining and it all came back clean.
So pardon me, unknown doctor, if we continue to assume that we're done. We know the final results next week will be benign.
Benign! Benign! Benign!
Blake is out of surgery. She was in for 2 hours. Bekah and I met with the surgeon minutes ago.
The very large mass was removed and sent to the lab. All results are Benign. The surgeon didn't bother to remove any lymph nodes as, she could tell there was no cancer and no sign of cancer.
Items not needed by 54 year old women were also removed. Items still used by 54 year old women all look great with no indication of damage.
We could not have had better news.
Thanks to each and every one of you and thanks be to the living God.
Our God reigns
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Things are Good!
Still frustrated with a few areas of my life, I am relieved to be where I am at. We had a lot of struggles over the last few months but things are BEGINING to turn around. Money is EXTREMELY tight and the world isn't showing us any mercy. James is still unemployed but has managed to gather up some old business and is doing a few repairs to help out with cash flow. Hopefully that will help but with a large bill aproacing in two days it is hard to put my mind at rest about the issue.
Back to the good stuff! So as I was saying, things are BEGINING to turn around. James' parents co-signed for us and we got into our apartment. We LOVE it! It's small but good. We love the city of Lawrence. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders the second we got everything move in and even more so when we left Misty Glen for good. I love where I live, I love my job and I love having my husband back to his happy, care-free self again. Things are good! It's nice to feel so happy again.
It's amazing how much a space and situation can wear down on you so much without you even realizing the impact it has on your life. I knew we weren't in a good place but I just didn't realize exactly how bad it was.
Come visit us anytime!
Back to the good stuff! So as I was saying, things are BEGINING to turn around. James' parents co-signed for us and we got into our apartment. We LOVE it! It's small but good. We love the city of Lawrence. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders the second we got everything move in and even more so when we left Misty Glen for good. I love where I live, I love my job and I love having my husband back to his happy, care-free self again. Things are good! It's nice to feel so happy again.
It's amazing how much a space and situation can wear down on you so much without you even realizing the impact it has on your life. I knew we weren't in a good place but I just didn't realize exactly how bad it was.
Come visit us anytime!
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Moving
Long story short...Jame's Parent's drove to Lawrence yesterday evening and co-signed for us on an apartment. We learned that wether today or six months from now, we were going to need a co-signer to get an apartment. We can get approved to BUY a house but not to RENT an apartment. It makes sense when you think about it but it still makes me laugh. So James' parents graciously signed for us and we have an apartment, as of today, in Lawrence. We are SO SO SO SO SO grateful to them for helping us out.
We won't be getting internet for a while at home until James has a new job. We can probably afford to get it turned on but we don't feel that it is the best choice right now. Please be understanding as it will be more difficult to email and blog until we can get internet again. (It's for the best...I rely to heavily on the computer!)
We won't be getting internet for a while at home until James has a new job. We can probably afford to get it turned on but we don't feel that it is the best choice right now. Please be understanding as it will be more difficult to email and blog until we can get internet again. (It's for the best...I rely to heavily on the computer!)
Friday, December 16, 2005
Prayers and Thoughts
I haven't known how to write about this or what to say as things have been progressively changing. Here is a letter from my mom to her friends and family explaining all that she has been and still is going through. Your prayers and thoughts will be gladly appreciated during this difficult holiday season. If you want to email her or any or our family, you can write to something267@gmail.com.
This has been Bcc'd to all of you because I needed to let you know
what has been going on with me, thiese past few weeks. It is very hard
to write because I have been putting it off, and you are all such a
diverse group of friends and family on my email list. Some of you
might be online friends from various interest groups (and if you are,
this whole email is not for the 'lists'), some might be people thatI
have a professional teaching connection with, and some might be dear
friends who need to know this (and you are welcome to share this with
anyone I know who would want to know) and some of you are family who
already know but I am sending this letter anyway.
Please forgive me if this is too familiar or not familiar enough,
depending on which category you fall. I simply went through my
contacts and visualized all on my list who are not here in Kansas with
me and already know. Anyway, I would have loved to write you all
individually, but...and you know how I dither on, so bear with the
story because there is a beginning, a middle, another beginning,
another middle, and we are still waiting for the end.
I lost 50 lbs without trying to. The PERFECT way to lose weight,
right? Anyway, at my exam I was found to have a mass in my abdomen
area. Which is why I hadn't noticed I had lost 50 lbs. I kept looking
at myself sideways in the mirror and there was this belly. I finally
decided that's what getting old was. BUT it was also why I hadn't
noticed the mass.
My girls finally saw my shoulders and made an appointment. She did the
exam, didn't like the mass, didn't like the weight loss accompanying
the mass, did bloodwork. Scheduled a CT.
The next day there was a "Some good news" email from her. Very, VERY
hyperactive thyroid, unknown until now, don't know how long it had
been going on, but in her opinion, that was a very positive thing
(imagine that!) as it meant hopefully that it was not a malignancy
weight loss situation but a thyroid weight loss situation. I remember
thinking, as I read her email, that my mom would be so proud, because
I had NEVER had an 'overactive' anything! (Those of you who knew me in
college better shut-the-hell-up, my aunt and uncle and daddy are also
reading this email!)
CT got cancelled so they could deal with the thyroid which had to be
irradiated and they couldn't do the CT before the thyroid...something
about the iodine. Which also meant two days at home alone. When Rob
picked me up from that appointment, I found him in the car with his
neck totally encased in three layers of aluminum foil and a huge wad
in the shape of a triangle on his crotch. I LAUGHED ALL THE WAY HOME!
Instead of the CT I had a sonogram. To quote the techie, "Wow! This
thing is BIG!"
Following that was an appointment back with my doc. She broke it to me
that because of the mass and a high CA125 test, which I didn't realize
she had ordered, that I had Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer. One day before
Thanksgiving was this news. We did have a great Thanksgiving as it was
the first time since college started that we had all been home at the
same time and no one had any fights at the dinner table.
My doc made an appointment at KUMed (University of Kansas Medical
Center) because they have a GYN oncologist and Topeka didn't. It
snowed 7 inches the day before the hour drive but the roads were OK,
and off we went. I hate driving in the snow so much, that when I saw
how much we had I told my principal not to worry about my outcome,
that I would have a heart attack before even getting there.
To sum up, the visit was great. There are still many things to worry
and pray about, but the specialist did not think that it looked like
OC. We are hoping she is correct. There is still the mass to worry
about and I willl have, hopefully an outcome worthy of a National
Enquirer article, "Topeka woman has a "Wow, this is BIG!" mass removed
and no one EVEN saw it coming!" article.
It could be a fiboid gone wild (our choice). It could be worse. It
could still be what my original doc thought first.
So, Pre-OP Monday in KC with 5 inches of snow expected Saturday ending
Sunday. Don't worry, I'll probably have a heart attack before even
getting there! Surgery will be Wednesday WITH a Hysterectomy that I
begged for 15 years ago. See, dreams do come true you just have to
wait a while.
Please keep Rob and especially my kids in your prayers. Those of you
who know me and how hard it was for me to lose my mom while I was only
35...I am truly not thinking of ME when I say I don't want my kids to
go through that at 18 and 23. Heck, most of them have just now started
talking to me after I was so 'unreasonable' all through high school.
Bekah, she's 23, we've been talking for quite a while!
I love you all, in so many different ways.
"There are many ways to say I love you. There are many ways to say I
care about you. Many ways. Many ways. Many ways, to say, I love you."
Mr. Rogers
"As my Uncle, Santanna Rosannadanna used to say, "Rosanne
Rosannadanna, It just goes to show you. It's always sometihing. If
it's not one thing it's another."
Gilda Radner/Rosanne Rosannadanna
Please feel free to write if you want to but I don't know when I'll
get back to answer. Please don't call right now, the kids will be home
from college tomorrow and I have things to do. Rob has made a blogger
account which you can check what's new. For now, that can keep you
updated, and I'll hopefully be able to talk to you soon.
Pray for us anyway, but especially on Wednesday and after.
Love, Blake
http://www.something267.blogspot.com/
This has been Bcc'd to all of you because I needed to let you know
what has been going on with me, thiese past few weeks. It is very hard
to write because I have been putting it off, and you are all such a
diverse group of friends and family on my email list. Some of you
might be online friends from various interest groups (and if you are,
this whole email is not for the 'lists'), some might be people thatI
have a professional teaching connection with, and some might be dear
friends who need to know this (and you are welcome to share this with
anyone I know who would want to know) and some of you are family who
already know but I am sending this letter anyway.
Please forgive me if this is too familiar or not familiar enough,
depending on which category you fall. I simply went through my
contacts and visualized all on my list who are not here in Kansas with
me and already know. Anyway, I would have loved to write you all
individually, but...and you know how I dither on, so bear with the
story because there is a beginning, a middle, another beginning,
another middle, and we are still waiting for the end.
I lost 50 lbs without trying to. The PERFECT way to lose weight,
right? Anyway, at my exam I was found to have a mass in my abdomen
area. Which is why I hadn't noticed I had lost 50 lbs. I kept looking
at myself sideways in the mirror and there was this belly. I finally
decided that's what getting old was. BUT it was also why I hadn't
noticed the mass.
My girls finally saw my shoulders and made an appointment. She did the
exam, didn't like the mass, didn't like the weight loss accompanying
the mass, did bloodwork. Scheduled a CT.
The next day there was a "Some good news" email from her. Very, VERY
hyperactive thyroid, unknown until now, don't know how long it had
been going on, but in her opinion, that was a very positive thing
(imagine that!) as it meant hopefully that it was not a malignancy
weight loss situation but a thyroid weight loss situation. I remember
thinking, as I read her email, that my mom would be so proud, because
I had NEVER had an 'overactive' anything! (Those of you who knew me in
college better shut-the-hell-up, my aunt and uncle and daddy are also
reading this email!)
CT got cancelled so they could deal with the thyroid which had to be
irradiated and they couldn't do the CT before the thyroid...something
about the iodine. Which also meant two days at home alone. When Rob
picked me up from that appointment, I found him in the car with his
neck totally encased in three layers of aluminum foil and a huge wad
in the shape of a triangle on his crotch. I LAUGHED ALL THE WAY HOME!
Instead of the CT I had a sonogram. To quote the techie, "Wow! This
thing is BIG!"
Following that was an appointment back with my doc. She broke it to me
that because of the mass and a high CA125 test, which I didn't realize
she had ordered, that I had Stage 4 Ovarian Cancer. One day before
Thanksgiving was this news. We did have a great Thanksgiving as it was
the first time since college started that we had all been home at the
same time and no one had any fights at the dinner table.
My doc made an appointment at KUMed (University of Kansas Medical
Center) because they have a GYN oncologist and Topeka didn't. It
snowed 7 inches the day before the hour drive but the roads were OK,
and off we went. I hate driving in the snow so much, that when I saw
how much we had I told my principal not to worry about my outcome,
that I would have a heart attack before even getting there.
To sum up, the visit was great. There are still many things to worry
and pray about, but the specialist did not think that it looked like
OC. We are hoping she is correct. There is still the mass to worry
about and I willl have, hopefully an outcome worthy of a National
Enquirer article, "Topeka woman has a "Wow, this is BIG!" mass removed
and no one EVEN saw it coming!" article.
It could be a fiboid gone wild (our choice). It could be worse. It
could still be what my original doc thought first.
So, Pre-OP Monday in KC with 5 inches of snow expected Saturday ending
Sunday. Don't worry, I'll probably have a heart attack before even
getting there! Surgery will be Wednesday WITH a Hysterectomy that I
begged for 15 years ago. See, dreams do come true you just have to
wait a while.
Please keep Rob and especially my kids in your prayers. Those of you
who know me and how hard it was for me to lose my mom while I was only
35...I am truly not thinking of ME when I say I don't want my kids to
go through that at 18 and 23. Heck, most of them have just now started
talking to me after I was so 'unreasonable' all through high school.
Bekah, she's 23, we've been talking for quite a while!
I love you all, in so many different ways.
"There are many ways to say I love you. There are many ways to say I
care about you. Many ways. Many ways. Many ways, to say, I love you."
Mr. Rogers
"As my Uncle, Santanna Rosannadanna used to say, "Rosanne
Rosannadanna, It just goes to show you. It's always sometihing. If
it's not one thing it's another."
Gilda Radner/Rosanne Rosannadanna
Please feel free to write if you want to but I don't know when I'll
get back to answer. Please don't call right now, the kids will be home
from college tomorrow and I have things to do. Rob has made a blogger
account which you can check what's new. For now, that can keep you
updated, and I'll hopefully be able to talk to you soon.
Pray for us anyway, but especially on Wednesday and after.
Love, Blake
http://www.something267.blogspot.com/
Friday, December 09, 2005
I'm grumpy and I don't care!
*** WARNING*** I mean no disrespect to anyone and there are of course exceptions. Please read with caution as this is has not been sensored. ***WARNING***
When Friday and Saturday nights rolls around, I can pretty much tell you where I will be. It has been the same routine for over the past year. Both my parents can tell you because we used to joke about it. Now I feel like it is a little out of control.
Although, I must say, I have been lucky recently and I have gotten to stay home at least one night out of the weekend. Last weekend I got both nights to do whatever I wanted! And then we got "spoken to" about it and how James never called when he said he would. Bite me!
I'm the one who likes being social so usually I can go with the flow. James on the other hand, works A LOT. He doesn't want to go out and blow money and hang out with strangers and stay up late. He wants to sit on his...buns... and veg out. I understand that but sometimes it gets old. I just want him, to want to do something other than letting other people tell him what to do all the time. I just want him to make his own decisions and not let those people make him feel bad about it. I've talked to him about it and he understands why I get so upset sometimes.
I want my own friends!
I feel that ever since I moved to Kansas, I haven't put enough energy into the relationships that I should have. I poured too much energy into the relationships I knew would never work out. I'm not very "girly" but every once and a while I wish I had a female friend to hang out with. Women just bring something to a friendship that a husband can't. I think that is important to have.
I love hanging out with my boss. She's the same age as the other friends I have. Yet I still can't spill my guts about EVERYTHING because I work for her. (I've already tested the waters there and that didn't go to well.) How pathetic I feel sometimes having to beg her to go scrapbook (crop) with me? She has her own friends to do that with!
I can't wait to move to Lawrence. I don't know what I am hoping to find there. Exceptance maybe. I feel like when I go to Lawrence, I don't stand out as much...I fit in. No body cares that my armpits are all hairy or that when I go swimming I haven't shaved my legs since it was warm. No one even looks at me!
I am so tired of feeling like most of the friendships I still have only rely on me to keep them. It gets old being the only one to call, the only one to try and arrange get-togethers, and the only one to drive the hour to do anything. I am giving up and feeling like it's not worth it.
I have a few frienships that are built on distance. Those friendshps will never fade, they are deep rooted and have stood the tests of time (how cliche)!
Here's another thing. I am ready to move to Alaska and disown some family members. Not my immediate family but I don't want to point fingers. The harder I try to please people the more they make James and I feel bad about not seeing them and spending time with them ENOUGH. AHHHHHH!!!! It makes me furious. What about me and my time? I go through my week, waiting for Sunday to come around so I can be with my husband. I try SO hard and it's just like a snowball getting bigger and bigger. The harder I try, the more they nag. And I think, "When is the last time you came to see me?" In some cases I can say NEVER. In other cases, I can say twice. I wonder does anyone stop to think how hard it is for James and I going from being together EVERY single day to seeing each other in small chuncks of time through out the week. Well in case you were wondering, its hard and there is not much we can do about it right now...so back off! I just don't think a lot of couples enjoy being together as much as we do so of course they probably don't think about it. Or they think that being together and being with other people should be enough. Well it's not...especially when you can't be yourself and have to walk on pins and needles trying not to offend anyone.
Ok, so I'm a little lonely. Looking back at what I have written so far...I don't appreciate the family I have enough and I long for the things I don't have.
That's enough. I'm through. I hope you aren't exhausted having read this. If you know anyone who is interested, I am currently taking applications for friends!
On another note, I had to stop in Lawrence on Wednesday night because of the weather. I stayed in my sister's dorm room and slept on the cold, hard floor (by choice...I didn't want to sleep on the top bunk with her and risk one of us falling off). I had such a good time. I got to TALK with my sister, which doesn't happen a lot. I feel so old sometimes but no one even noticed that I might be older. It was kind of a neat feeling although I found most of the drunk freshman running around to be pretty obnoxious! I never had the college dorm experience so I got to experience it in a few short hours! It was fun but I probably didn't miss out on anything!
Ok, now I am really done this time!
When Friday and Saturday nights rolls around, I can pretty much tell you where I will be. It has been the same routine for over the past year. Both my parents can tell you because we used to joke about it. Now I feel like it is a little out of control.
Although, I must say, I have been lucky recently and I have gotten to stay home at least one night out of the weekend. Last weekend I got both nights to do whatever I wanted! And then we got "spoken to" about it and how James never called when he said he would. Bite me!
I'm the one who likes being social so usually I can go with the flow. James on the other hand, works A LOT. He doesn't want to go out and blow money and hang out with strangers and stay up late. He wants to sit on his...buns... and veg out. I understand that but sometimes it gets old. I just want him, to want to do something other than letting other people tell him what to do all the time. I just want him to make his own decisions and not let those people make him feel bad about it. I've talked to him about it and he understands why I get so upset sometimes.
I want my own friends!
I feel that ever since I moved to Kansas, I haven't put enough energy into the relationships that I should have. I poured too much energy into the relationships I knew would never work out. I'm not very "girly" but every once and a while I wish I had a female friend to hang out with. Women just bring something to a friendship that a husband can't. I think that is important to have.
I love hanging out with my boss. She's the same age as the other friends I have. Yet I still can't spill my guts about EVERYTHING because I work for her. (I've already tested the waters there and that didn't go to well.) How pathetic I feel sometimes having to beg her to go scrapbook (crop) with me? She has her own friends to do that with!
I can't wait to move to Lawrence. I don't know what I am hoping to find there. Exceptance maybe. I feel like when I go to Lawrence, I don't stand out as much...I fit in. No body cares that my armpits are all hairy or that when I go swimming I haven't shaved my legs since it was warm. No one even looks at me!
I am so tired of feeling like most of the friendships I still have only rely on me to keep them. It gets old being the only one to call, the only one to try and arrange get-togethers, and the only one to drive the hour to do anything. I am giving up and feeling like it's not worth it.
I have a few frienships that are built on distance. Those friendshps will never fade, they are deep rooted and have stood the tests of time (how cliche)!
Here's another thing. I am ready to move to Alaska and disown some family members. Not my immediate family but I don't want to point fingers. The harder I try to please people the more they make James and I feel bad about not seeing them and spending time with them ENOUGH. AHHHHHH!!!! It makes me furious. What about me and my time? I go through my week, waiting for Sunday to come around so I can be with my husband. I try SO hard and it's just like a snowball getting bigger and bigger. The harder I try, the more they nag. And I think, "When is the last time you came to see me?" In some cases I can say NEVER. In other cases, I can say twice. I wonder does anyone stop to think how hard it is for James and I going from being together EVERY single day to seeing each other in small chuncks of time through out the week. Well in case you were wondering, its hard and there is not much we can do about it right now...so back off! I just don't think a lot of couples enjoy being together as much as we do so of course they probably don't think about it. Or they think that being together and being with other people should be enough. Well it's not...especially when you can't be yourself and have to walk on pins and needles trying not to offend anyone.
Ok, so I'm a little lonely. Looking back at what I have written so far...I don't appreciate the family I have enough and I long for the things I don't have.
That's enough. I'm through. I hope you aren't exhausted having read this. If you know anyone who is interested, I am currently taking applications for friends!
On another note, I had to stop in Lawrence on Wednesday night because of the weather. I stayed in my sister's dorm room and slept on the cold, hard floor (by choice...I didn't want to sleep on the top bunk with her and risk one of us falling off). I had such a good time. I got to TALK with my sister, which doesn't happen a lot. I feel so old sometimes but no one even noticed that I might be older. It was kind of a neat feeling although I found most of the drunk freshman running around to be pretty obnoxious! I never had the college dorm experience so I got to experience it in a few short hours! It was fun but I probably didn't miss out on anything!
Ok, now I am really done this time!
Monday, December 05, 2005
My sister
I am so fond of my brother and sister. No matter how many times they piss me off, I always forget so quickly and think so fondly of them. I love them both to pieces. I wish I could spend more time with them.
I saw my sister tonight. I had mentioned to Elizabeth that maybe my sister could meet up with us today when we were in Lawrence. All day Elizabeth said, " When are we going to see your friend." We packed our towels to go swimming and she packed an extra towel, for "my friend." After awhile it turned into, " What is your frien...your sister doing?" "When are we going to see Hannah?"
I had already told Hannah, we didn't have to meet up since she was studying for a big test. But Elizabeth just kept on going. On and on she asked about Hannah.
She had never met Hannah before but she had talked to her once or twice and she knew Hannah was the one that had told us to build our fort.
We had spent the whole day in Lawrence and were tired and hungry when we pulled into the KU residence area. We had to part far away since the parking lots were full. We had picked up some ice cream for her so we were stuck going to visit.
Anyone who has kids or has been around kids knows, a blocks ends up feeling like a mile...especially when it's cold and especially when you aren't using a stroller (which I rarely do.)
We got there and Sammi started being bashful after an entire day of saying hi to EVERY single person we saw! Elizabeth got very quiet too. There were students everywhere. The girls were exhausted and you could tell.
Hannah just started in talking to them. Sammi too. She just started talking to them like they were all grown up. We rode the elevator up to Hannah's room and everyone we saw commented on how cute they were. I am sure they don't get many kids walking through the halls at the dorm.
We got to Hannah's room and I put Sammi on the floor, expecting her to cry. She didn't. After 5 minutes they were settled in. They laughed, danced and talked up a storm.
I am so impressed at my sister. I always have thought I was good with kids but Hannah has more of a nack at it than I do. I always call her for advice and she always has the answers. When it comes to kid, there is a forty year old woman in there. She really has to be a teacher or something.
Hannah was so good with the girls and they loved her. She was fun and playful but talked to them like adults. She talked to Sammi like she was just going to start spouting out sentences. She took Sammi's slipper, tried it on and asked Sammi if she could have it.
It was a very rewarding trip. I'm going to have to follow Hannah where ever she goes when I have kids of my own so they get to hang out with cool Aunt Hannah. (Kind of like Aunt Anne was to us!) Anyway, it was a great visit! On the way home, Elizabeth was already talking about the next time we go see Hannah.
I saw my sister tonight. I had mentioned to Elizabeth that maybe my sister could meet up with us today when we were in Lawrence. All day Elizabeth said, " When are we going to see your friend." We packed our towels to go swimming and she packed an extra towel, for "my friend." After awhile it turned into, " What is your frien...your sister doing?" "When are we going to see Hannah?"
I had already told Hannah, we didn't have to meet up since she was studying for a big test. But Elizabeth just kept on going. On and on she asked about Hannah.
She had never met Hannah before but she had talked to her once or twice and she knew Hannah was the one that had told us to build our fort.
We had spent the whole day in Lawrence and were tired and hungry when we pulled into the KU residence area. We had to part far away since the parking lots were full. We had picked up some ice cream for her so we were stuck going to visit.
Anyone who has kids or has been around kids knows, a blocks ends up feeling like a mile...especially when it's cold and especially when you aren't using a stroller (which I rarely do.)
We got there and Sammi started being bashful after an entire day of saying hi to EVERY single person we saw! Elizabeth got very quiet too. There were students everywhere. The girls were exhausted and you could tell.
Hannah just started in talking to them. Sammi too. She just started talking to them like they were all grown up. We rode the elevator up to Hannah's room and everyone we saw commented on how cute they were. I am sure they don't get many kids walking through the halls at the dorm.
We got to Hannah's room and I put Sammi on the floor, expecting her to cry. She didn't. After 5 minutes they were settled in. They laughed, danced and talked up a storm.
I am so impressed at my sister. I always have thought I was good with kids but Hannah has more of a nack at it than I do. I always call her for advice and she always has the answers. When it comes to kid, there is a forty year old woman in there. She really has to be a teacher or something.
Hannah was so good with the girls and they loved her. She was fun and playful but talked to them like adults. She talked to Sammi like she was just going to start spouting out sentences. She took Sammi's slipper, tried it on and asked Sammi if she could have it.
It was a very rewarding trip. I'm going to have to follow Hannah where ever she goes when I have kids of my own so they get to hang out with cool Aunt Hannah. (Kind of like Aunt Anne was to us!) Anyway, it was a great visit! On the way home, Elizabeth was already talking about the next time we go see Hannah.
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Dear Mom
I love you so much. Thank you for wanting me and holding me and supporting me through everything I ever wanted to do. You deserve so much more than what life has given you. We will find you strength to make this journry worth the while.
Bekah
Bekah
Monday, November 28, 2005
Update on Mr. Penny
Mr Penny went to the hospital a few days ago. They think he has cancer in his neck and has already started chemo. I think he is doing better. He says he feels better anyway...that could be the drugs talking!
In a letter to my mom this is what I wrote about Penny:
We went to the hospital to see Mr. Penny yesterday. The first time we went was earlier in the day and he was WAY doped up and could hardly acknowledge us. I got a few laughs out of him that assured me, despite his appearance, he was doing ok. I said, "You just came here to watch tv, didn't you and he mumble a recognizable tone that meant, "no way." Then we teased him about "cleaning out his apartment" and getting the good stuff like the armoire and again he laughed before passing back out.
We went back in the evening and he was snoring away. His concerned doctor saw us and made sure we were where we needed to be and not causing trouble. He woke up Mr. Penny for us since we didn't have the heart to. Penny told us he had chemo therapy yesterday and would have it again today. They think he has cancer in his neck that caused the loss of movement in he right arm.
He's feeling much better in the hospital. Naturally, since he is being properly taken care of and eating correctly. He loves how nice everyone is to him and how often they give him ice cream. He constantly gives them a hard time about the bill. He teased me, telling me he told the nurse to give the bill to me. I said, "Good luck getting that paid!"
In a letter to my mom this is what I wrote about Penny:
We went to the hospital to see Mr. Penny yesterday. The first time we went was earlier in the day and he was WAY doped up and could hardly acknowledge us. I got a few laughs out of him that assured me, despite his appearance, he was doing ok. I said, "You just came here to watch tv, didn't you and he mumble a recognizable tone that meant, "no way." Then we teased him about "cleaning out his apartment" and getting the good stuff like the armoire and again he laughed before passing back out.
We went back in the evening and he was snoring away. His concerned doctor saw us and made sure we were where we needed to be and not causing trouble. He woke up Mr. Penny for us since we didn't have the heart to. Penny told us he had chemo therapy yesterday and would have it again today. They think he has cancer in his neck that caused the loss of movement in he right arm.
He's feeling much better in the hospital. Naturally, since he is being properly taken care of and eating correctly. He loves how nice everyone is to him and how often they give him ice cream. He constantly gives them a hard time about the bill. He teased me, telling me he told the nurse to give the bill to me. I said, "Good luck getting that paid!"
Life sucks and then you die.
I am over being in shock. I am done crying for now. I still think about it every day and wonder how we are going to get through this. I wish I could tell you what "this" is but it's not time yet. Not enough is known to be able to talk about it. There are a million thoughts going through my head wondering my this had to happen to me, to us. You always think, it will never happen to you. It exsists in a world that doesn't belong to you until it actually happens. Please send good thoughts and prayer in my direction. And if you see someone in my family, give them a big hug! They might not admit it but they need it. I need it.
Today, I am up but when I was down I felt so incredibly alone. I don't have many friends and usually I am ok with that but where was the shoulder to cry on when I needed it. I had no where to go and no one to turn to. People always say they are there for you until... I don't want to always have to tell someone that I need them. I don't want to have to hunt them down to say, "Please can I have a hug, life just kicked me in the ass."
We're moving soon, probably to Lawrence, if my parents don't want to take us in again (only kidding). Maybe my Topeka friends will find that the drive is easier for them and will want to be around me again. They always say, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Let me tell you, that isn't always the case.
Today, I am up but when I was down I felt so incredibly alone. I don't have many friends and usually I am ok with that but where was the shoulder to cry on when I needed it. I had no where to go and no one to turn to. People always say they are there for you until... I don't want to always have to tell someone that I need them. I don't want to have to hunt them down to say, "Please can I have a hug, life just kicked me in the ass."
We're moving soon, probably to Lawrence, if my parents don't want to take us in again (only kidding). Maybe my Topeka friends will find that the drive is easier for them and will want to be around me again. They always say, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Let me tell you, that isn't always the case.
Monday, November 21, 2005
The moral is...Don't live in the ghetto if you ever want the police to help you.
I came home on Friday night from Topeka. I was getting sick and I needed lots of sleep because I had to work the next morning. I pulled in at 8:20 and James was there waiting to help me carry some stuff upstairs. As we were locking up the car James says, "Wait...," Looking around confused. I thought he was being silly.
He said, "Where's Neal's van?"
Seeing that the van was gone I said, "Harrison probably has it."
"Harrison is out of town.(Silence)Before we jump to conclusions, I'll call Neal and see if he let his kids borrow it."
Nope. Neal didn't let his kids take it. As James was talking ont he phone, I saw the blinds in the window of the office blowing in the wind. The screen had been removed and the window had been opened.
When we went inside the office, not much had been taken out of it's place except the keys to Neal's van and the file containing $1300.
We sat waiting for the police to arrive. After an hour of waiting James called dispach again. They said that there weren't any officers available. No one had even picked up the call yet. Our status was "pending." Another hour went by.
It's now 10:30 and I haven't eaten dinner yet. We decided to go upstairs and watch from our apartment. About 1/2 an hour later an officer arrived. He had just arrived on shift and seemed very new to the force.
I couldn't believe how long it took. I feel even safer now living there!
He said, "Where's Neal's van?"
Seeing that the van was gone I said, "Harrison probably has it."
"Harrison is out of town.(Silence)Before we jump to conclusions, I'll call Neal and see if he let his kids borrow it."
Nope. Neal didn't let his kids take it. As James was talking ont he phone, I saw the blinds in the window of the office blowing in the wind. The screen had been removed and the window had been opened.
When we went inside the office, not much had been taken out of it's place except the keys to Neal's van and the file containing $1300.
We sat waiting for the police to arrive. After an hour of waiting James called dispach again. They said that there weren't any officers available. No one had even picked up the call yet. Our status was "pending." Another hour went by.
It's now 10:30 and I haven't eaten dinner yet. We decided to go upstairs and watch from our apartment. About 1/2 an hour later an officer arrived. He had just arrived on shift and seemed very new to the force.
I couldn't believe how long it took. I feel even safer now living there!
Friday, November 18, 2005
Update on Mr. Penny
I visited with Mr Penny last night. His frail body was slumped over like he couldn't move. Through our talk, he eventually made his way into more of a sitting position from what his napping position.
His brain is still sharp. He slips up every once and while and has trouble talking and then he'll say, "Quit stuttering," to himself and just keep pn trucking.
He had to call me over this morning to get him some breakfast. I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. There are jars and cups filled with a thin yellow liquid. It's so sad.
His brain is still sharp. He slips up every once and while and has trouble talking and then he'll say, "Quit stuttering," to himself and just keep pn trucking.
He had to call me over this morning to get him some breakfast. I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. There are jars and cups filled with a thin yellow liquid. It's so sad.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Leroy Penny
March 30, 2005 My journal reads:
Mr. Penny- An old man with dark skin and dark hair that is highlighted by his silvery age. A former government employee, he spends his day getting drunk, talking to people as they pass by. He doesn't like Joe http://aesopsfables.blogspot.com/2005_03_01_aesopsfables_archive.html and let him and everyone else know it. Joe thinks he's joking. He stopped James and me yesterday to announce that we were going to be living across the hall from him. He demanded that there would be no loud music, no drinking and no partying. I said, " Why is it ok for you to drink, but not ok for us?" Naturally, he was to busy making jokes to answer the question.
From what I gather, he used to walk a lot. His small, frail body reflects that. It seems he had a stroke in his sleep one night and lost most of his functions of his dominant hand. His spirits are high (although I am told they aren't always).
June 29, 2005 My journal reads:
Mr. Penny- A man that reminds me of home. He represents kindness and family and truth. He's the kind of person you don't mind listening to, even when you are running late. He has great stories to tell, he's always good for a laugh, although, I don't see him smile much.
He's going down hill pretty quickly. He'd never admit it though. He appreciates being thought of and checked in on but refuses any "help." He won't hesitate to ask for a soda when his meds are making his mouth dry.
He sits in his cluttered apartment of 16 years, listening to the radio. He never goes into his bedroom. He has lived in the building since it was built. He knows stories no one else knows, like, why there is a huge dip in my living room floor.
I want to move so badly because of the consistent knocking on our door. Now, I don't want to because I know I have a neighbor, a friend, and a grandpa type figure to look after me right across the hall. The day I changed my mind about moving was when he told us, "I was just telling my wife (separated), I don't want to get to know you folks." He doesn't want to see us go.
November 13, 2005:
To sit with a man who knows he is dying changes the way you look at things. I remember the first day I realized he was dying. I came home and took a shower to hide my tears. I felt so sad.
Now, I just try and spend as much time with him as I can. Every time I go see him, I know I am going to have to be in there for at least an hour and it's going to be 90 degrees. But for me it's worth it if I have the time. I want to spend as much time with him as I can while he is here with us.
If I met him today and started writing about him, he would be a completely different person to me. He ALWAYS needs help. Harrison had to go pick him up off the floor again yesterday. We took him a walker, and some other medical supplies that make it easier to bath and go to the bathroom. I guess none of those things can help you much when your body is deteriorating.
I am so grateful and thankful that we have endured all that we have here(at the apartments) just for the chance to be apart of Mr. Penny's life.
Mr. Penny- An old man with dark skin and dark hair that is highlighted by his silvery age. A former government employee, he spends his day getting drunk, talking to people as they pass by. He doesn't like Joe http://aesopsfables.blogspot.com/2005_03_01_aesopsfables_archive.html and let him and everyone else know it. Joe thinks he's joking. He stopped James and me yesterday to announce that we were going to be living across the hall from him. He demanded that there would be no loud music, no drinking and no partying. I said, " Why is it ok for you to drink, but not ok for us?" Naturally, he was to busy making jokes to answer the question.
From what I gather, he used to walk a lot. His small, frail body reflects that. It seems he had a stroke in his sleep one night and lost most of his functions of his dominant hand. His spirits are high (although I am told they aren't always).
June 29, 2005 My journal reads:
Mr. Penny- A man that reminds me of home. He represents kindness and family and truth. He's the kind of person you don't mind listening to, even when you are running late. He has great stories to tell, he's always good for a laugh, although, I don't see him smile much.
He's going down hill pretty quickly. He'd never admit it though. He appreciates being thought of and checked in on but refuses any "help." He won't hesitate to ask for a soda when his meds are making his mouth dry.
He sits in his cluttered apartment of 16 years, listening to the radio. He never goes into his bedroom. He has lived in the building since it was built. He knows stories no one else knows, like, why there is a huge dip in my living room floor.
I want to move so badly because of the consistent knocking on our door. Now, I don't want to because I know I have a neighbor, a friend, and a grandpa type figure to look after me right across the hall. The day I changed my mind about moving was when he told us, "I was just telling my wife (separated), I don't want to get to know you folks." He doesn't want to see us go.
November 13, 2005:
To sit with a man who knows he is dying changes the way you look at things. I remember the first day I realized he was dying. I came home and took a shower to hide my tears. I felt so sad.
Now, I just try and spend as much time with him as I can. Every time I go see him, I know I am going to have to be in there for at least an hour and it's going to be 90 degrees. But for me it's worth it if I have the time. I want to spend as much time with him as I can while he is here with us.
If I met him today and started writing about him, he would be a completely different person to me. He ALWAYS needs help. Harrison had to go pick him up off the floor again yesterday. We took him a walker, and some other medical supplies that make it easier to bath and go to the bathroom. I guess none of those things can help you much when your body is deteriorating.
I am so grateful and thankful that we have endured all that we have here(at the apartments) just for the chance to be apart of Mr. Penny's life.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
The moral is...things never happen the way you plan them.
***WARNING*** This entry may contain pictures that may be offensive.
Over two weeks ago, I started bothering James about having a Halloween Party. Halloween is James' favorite holiday and this is the first year we have had the opputunity to "celebrate." He agreed pending the location of the party. Our apartment's living room floor needs some major repair and couldn't accomadate the weight of too many guests.
We found an empty apartment and began calling our friends. We asked our friends if they would be available because we didn't want to start planning if no one would be there. When it looked like we had 10-15 people coming we dropped a lot of money and pulled it all together.
At one point, our friend John was going to bring out his turn tables to play music but wasn't going to put forth the effort for 10-15 people. He put a post up on the internet and we thouht we would have TOO many people showing up.
10pm finally arrives. Everything is finish; candles lit, fog machine going and dry ice bubbling away. Brad and Amy arrive "on time" which is amazing. Shortly behing them is our friend John. Things are looking good and we continue to anticipate a good turn out.
10:30pm I'm tired of standing looking for everyone so I call my Topeka friends to tell them just to call me when they get there so I can let them in. John suggests that if no one gets there by 11:00 we go back to our apartment because the "haunted apartment" is freaking him out. No way in hell was I leaving after all the work and money we put into it.
10:45pm James sends me back out to look for people. "Maybe someone forgot their cell phone and they don't know that you called," someone said. I go outside and find our friend Mike arriving. I stay outsid for a while and call and my friends again, sounding pathetic, begging them to come.
11:00 Harrison's kids show up and "crash" the party but Harrison hasn't shown up yet. They kind of gave us the illusion that a party was starting to happen. Finally, our friend Holly responds to my desperate phone call insisting that I didn't sound pathetic! She said she would make an appearance but she needed sleep so she couldn't stay long.
Once Holly and arrison arrived about the same time and from then on we had a party. I was extremely dissapointed with the turn out and dissapointed by the people who hadn't stuck to what they had told me, we just enjoyed the people that had come out. I think some good lessons were learned that night. While I have pretty strong things to say about the people that let me down, the party helped me appreciate the people that did come.
Holly especially. She didn't even get her "invite" until the day before. We hardly see her any more. We are HORRIBLE about keeping in touch with her. And she ended up staying until everyone decided at 2:30am that it was time to call it a night. We need to do a much better job keeping up with friends like Holly and less time with the people that make us feel like we love them more than they love us. (Julie...I know you know what I am talking about!)
Let's move on to the decor. The pictures we took were either too dark or too bright. I was unsuccessful at capturing how perfect the mood was. You walk into the living room which was dimly lit. There wasn't anything especially scary but the mood was right.
In the kitchen/dining room area there were two refigerators and two stoves. On fridge for drinks and the other because it was already there. The ovens were open and glowing red. On contained a creepy baby on a rusty pan.
You walk down the hall to your right is the first bathroom. This bathroom wasn't functioning.
To the left was the first bedroom containing a murder scene. In the daylight or under the bright flash of the camera, the blood looks fake to me. The only light in that room was from a tv with a white screen. Very creepy.
Further down the hall was the maze to the functioning bathroom. The bloody path of the maze was creepy enough on it's own. But then there was a strobe and haunting music in the background. I thoung it was VERY successful.
The second bathroom was looking pretty creepy until someone who helped us decorate decided the toilet. But I thought that was the worst part about the whole "haunted house" and that really wasn't that bad. So I think it was all a sucess.
Over two weeks ago, I started bothering James about having a Halloween Party. Halloween is James' favorite holiday and this is the first year we have had the opputunity to "celebrate." He agreed pending the location of the party. Our apartment's living room floor needs some major repair and couldn't accomadate the weight of too many guests.
We found an empty apartment and began calling our friends. We asked our friends if they would be available because we didn't want to start planning if no one would be there. When it looked like we had 10-15 people coming we dropped a lot of money and pulled it all together.
At one point, our friend John was going to bring out his turn tables to play music but wasn't going to put forth the effort for 10-15 people. He put a post up on the internet and we thouht we would have TOO many people showing up.
10pm finally arrives. Everything is finish; candles lit, fog machine going and dry ice bubbling away. Brad and Amy arrive "on time" which is amazing. Shortly behing them is our friend John. Things are looking good and we continue to anticipate a good turn out.
10:30pm I'm tired of standing looking for everyone so I call my Topeka friends to tell them just to call me when they get there so I can let them in. John suggests that if no one gets there by 11:00 we go back to our apartment because the "haunted apartment" is freaking him out. No way in hell was I leaving after all the work and money we put into it.
10:45pm James sends me back out to look for people. "Maybe someone forgot their cell phone and they don't know that you called," someone said. I go outside and find our friend Mike arriving. I stay outsid for a while and call and my friends again, sounding pathetic, begging them to come.
11:00 Harrison's kids show up and "crash" the party but Harrison hasn't shown up yet. They kind of gave us the illusion that a party was starting to happen. Finally, our friend Holly responds to my desperate phone call insisting that I didn't sound pathetic! She said she would make an appearance but she needed sleep so she couldn't stay long.
Once Holly and arrison arrived about the same time and from then on we had a party. I was extremely dissapointed with the turn out and dissapointed by the people who hadn't stuck to what they had told me, we just enjoyed the people that had come out. I think some good lessons were learned that night. While I have pretty strong things to say about the people that let me down, the party helped me appreciate the people that did come.
Holly especially. She didn't even get her "invite" until the day before. We hardly see her any more. We are HORRIBLE about keeping in touch with her. And she ended up staying until everyone decided at 2:30am that it was time to call it a night. We need to do a much better job keeping up with friends like Holly and less time with the people that make us feel like we love them more than they love us. (Julie...I know you know what I am talking about!)
Let's move on to the decor. The pictures we took were either too dark or too bright. I was unsuccessful at capturing how perfect the mood was. You walk into the living room which was dimly lit. There wasn't anything especially scary but the mood was right.
In the kitchen/dining room area there were two refigerators and two stoves. On fridge for drinks and the other because it was already there. The ovens were open and glowing red. On contained a creepy baby on a rusty pan.
You walk down the hall to your right is the first bathroom. This bathroom wasn't functioning.
To the left was the first bedroom containing a murder scene. In the daylight or under the bright flash of the camera, the blood looks fake to me. The only light in that room was from a tv with a white screen. Very creepy.
Further down the hall was the maze to the functioning bathroom. The bloody path of the maze was creepy enough on it's own. But then there was a strobe and haunting music in the background. I thoung it was VERY successful.
The second bathroom was looking pretty creepy until someone who helped us decorate decided the toilet. But I thought that was the worst part about the whole "haunted house" and that really wasn't that bad. So I think it was all a sucess.
Friday, October 28, 2005
How have I managed to allow ONE person, continually take away from me the things I hold dear. I'm not talking about my husband. And I would think, I would give my husband more power over my life than this person has. Yet regularly, I let this person manipulate situations over and over and over again. This person doesn't even know that he or she is even doing anything wrong. I am the one that usually comes across as a nasty person because I find myself regularly irritable around them. My husband regularly is manipulated by this person too and it's taking over our lives. I wish he could find the strength to stand up and say what he want so I wouldn't feel like I am in this alone. I just keep think...someday soon I'll be in Alaska and then I will probably miss my friends and family. I will probably look back on these times and wished I had had more patience. So that's what I'm going to do; be patient and roll with the punches.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Elizabeth and Sammi
Today was Elizabeth's first day of school. The day was a great day for taking pictures and I was lucky to get a lot of good shots. I also took a lot of pictures of Sammi since I had the oppurtunity to spend some one on one time with her. Here are some of the pictures. For more pictures go to here!
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