I love you so much. Thank you for wanting me and holding me and supporting me through everything I ever wanted to do. You deserve so much more than what life has given you. We will find you strength to make this journry worth the while.
Bekah
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Monday, November 28, 2005
Update on Mr. Penny
Mr Penny went to the hospital a few days ago. They think he has cancer in his neck and has already started chemo. I think he is doing better. He says he feels better anyway...that could be the drugs talking!
In a letter to my mom this is what I wrote about Penny:
We went to the hospital to see Mr. Penny yesterday. The first time we went was earlier in the day and he was WAY doped up and could hardly acknowledge us. I got a few laughs out of him that assured me, despite his appearance, he was doing ok. I said, "You just came here to watch tv, didn't you and he mumble a recognizable tone that meant, "no way." Then we teased him about "cleaning out his apartment" and getting the good stuff like the armoire and again he laughed before passing back out.
We went back in the evening and he was snoring away. His concerned doctor saw us and made sure we were where we needed to be and not causing trouble. He woke up Mr. Penny for us since we didn't have the heart to. Penny told us he had chemo therapy yesterday and would have it again today. They think he has cancer in his neck that caused the loss of movement in he right arm.
He's feeling much better in the hospital. Naturally, since he is being properly taken care of and eating correctly. He loves how nice everyone is to him and how often they give him ice cream. He constantly gives them a hard time about the bill. He teased me, telling me he told the nurse to give the bill to me. I said, "Good luck getting that paid!"
In a letter to my mom this is what I wrote about Penny:
We went to the hospital to see Mr. Penny yesterday. The first time we went was earlier in the day and he was WAY doped up and could hardly acknowledge us. I got a few laughs out of him that assured me, despite his appearance, he was doing ok. I said, "You just came here to watch tv, didn't you and he mumble a recognizable tone that meant, "no way." Then we teased him about "cleaning out his apartment" and getting the good stuff like the armoire and again he laughed before passing back out.
We went back in the evening and he was snoring away. His concerned doctor saw us and made sure we were where we needed to be and not causing trouble. He woke up Mr. Penny for us since we didn't have the heart to. Penny told us he had chemo therapy yesterday and would have it again today. They think he has cancer in his neck that caused the loss of movement in he right arm.
He's feeling much better in the hospital. Naturally, since he is being properly taken care of and eating correctly. He loves how nice everyone is to him and how often they give him ice cream. He constantly gives them a hard time about the bill. He teased me, telling me he told the nurse to give the bill to me. I said, "Good luck getting that paid!"
Life sucks and then you die.
I am over being in shock. I am done crying for now. I still think about it every day and wonder how we are going to get through this. I wish I could tell you what "this" is but it's not time yet. Not enough is known to be able to talk about it. There are a million thoughts going through my head wondering my this had to happen to me, to us. You always think, it will never happen to you. It exsists in a world that doesn't belong to you until it actually happens. Please send good thoughts and prayer in my direction. And if you see someone in my family, give them a big hug! They might not admit it but they need it. I need it.
Today, I am up but when I was down I felt so incredibly alone. I don't have many friends and usually I am ok with that but where was the shoulder to cry on when I needed it. I had no where to go and no one to turn to. People always say they are there for you until... I don't want to always have to tell someone that I need them. I don't want to have to hunt them down to say, "Please can I have a hug, life just kicked me in the ass."
We're moving soon, probably to Lawrence, if my parents don't want to take us in again (only kidding). Maybe my Topeka friends will find that the drive is easier for them and will want to be around me again. They always say, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Let me tell you, that isn't always the case.
Today, I am up but when I was down I felt so incredibly alone. I don't have many friends and usually I am ok with that but where was the shoulder to cry on when I needed it. I had no where to go and no one to turn to. People always say they are there for you until... I don't want to always have to tell someone that I need them. I don't want to have to hunt them down to say, "Please can I have a hug, life just kicked me in the ass."
We're moving soon, probably to Lawrence, if my parents don't want to take us in again (only kidding). Maybe my Topeka friends will find that the drive is easier for them and will want to be around me again. They always say, "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." Let me tell you, that isn't always the case.
Monday, November 21, 2005
The moral is...Don't live in the ghetto if you ever want the police to help you.
I came home on Friday night from Topeka. I was getting sick and I needed lots of sleep because I had to work the next morning. I pulled in at 8:20 and James was there waiting to help me carry some stuff upstairs. As we were locking up the car James says, "Wait...," Looking around confused. I thought he was being silly.
He said, "Where's Neal's van?"
Seeing that the van was gone I said, "Harrison probably has it."
"Harrison is out of town.(Silence)Before we jump to conclusions, I'll call Neal and see if he let his kids borrow it."
Nope. Neal didn't let his kids take it. As James was talking ont he phone, I saw the blinds in the window of the office blowing in the wind. The screen had been removed and the window had been opened.
When we went inside the office, not much had been taken out of it's place except the keys to Neal's van and the file containing $1300.
We sat waiting for the police to arrive. After an hour of waiting James called dispach again. They said that there weren't any officers available. No one had even picked up the call yet. Our status was "pending." Another hour went by.
It's now 10:30 and I haven't eaten dinner yet. We decided to go upstairs and watch from our apartment. About 1/2 an hour later an officer arrived. He had just arrived on shift and seemed very new to the force.
I couldn't believe how long it took. I feel even safer now living there!
He said, "Where's Neal's van?"
Seeing that the van was gone I said, "Harrison probably has it."
"Harrison is out of town.(Silence)Before we jump to conclusions, I'll call Neal and see if he let his kids borrow it."
Nope. Neal didn't let his kids take it. As James was talking ont he phone, I saw the blinds in the window of the office blowing in the wind. The screen had been removed and the window had been opened.
When we went inside the office, not much had been taken out of it's place except the keys to Neal's van and the file containing $1300.
We sat waiting for the police to arrive. After an hour of waiting James called dispach again. They said that there weren't any officers available. No one had even picked up the call yet. Our status was "pending." Another hour went by.
It's now 10:30 and I haven't eaten dinner yet. We decided to go upstairs and watch from our apartment. About 1/2 an hour later an officer arrived. He had just arrived on shift and seemed very new to the force.
I couldn't believe how long it took. I feel even safer now living there!
Friday, November 18, 2005
Update on Mr. Penny
I visited with Mr Penny last night. His frail body was slumped over like he couldn't move. Through our talk, he eventually made his way into more of a sitting position from what his napping position.
His brain is still sharp. He slips up every once and while and has trouble talking and then he'll say, "Quit stuttering," to himself and just keep pn trucking.
He had to call me over this morning to get him some breakfast. I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. There are jars and cups filled with a thin yellow liquid. It's so sad.
His brain is still sharp. He slips up every once and while and has trouble talking and then he'll say, "Quit stuttering," to himself and just keep pn trucking.
He had to call me over this morning to get him some breakfast. I noticed something I hadn't noticed before. There are jars and cups filled with a thin yellow liquid. It's so sad.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Leroy Penny
March 30, 2005 My journal reads:
Mr. Penny- An old man with dark skin and dark hair that is highlighted by his silvery age. A former government employee, he spends his day getting drunk, talking to people as they pass by. He doesn't like Joe http://aesopsfables.blogspot.com/2005_03_01_aesopsfables_archive.html and let him and everyone else know it. Joe thinks he's joking. He stopped James and me yesterday to announce that we were going to be living across the hall from him. He demanded that there would be no loud music, no drinking and no partying. I said, " Why is it ok for you to drink, but not ok for us?" Naturally, he was to busy making jokes to answer the question.
From what I gather, he used to walk a lot. His small, frail body reflects that. It seems he had a stroke in his sleep one night and lost most of his functions of his dominant hand. His spirits are high (although I am told they aren't always).
June 29, 2005 My journal reads:
Mr. Penny- A man that reminds me of home. He represents kindness and family and truth. He's the kind of person you don't mind listening to, even when you are running late. He has great stories to tell, he's always good for a laugh, although, I don't see him smile much.
He's going down hill pretty quickly. He'd never admit it though. He appreciates being thought of and checked in on but refuses any "help." He won't hesitate to ask for a soda when his meds are making his mouth dry.
He sits in his cluttered apartment of 16 years, listening to the radio. He never goes into his bedroom. He has lived in the building since it was built. He knows stories no one else knows, like, why there is a huge dip in my living room floor.
I want to move so badly because of the consistent knocking on our door. Now, I don't want to because I know I have a neighbor, a friend, and a grandpa type figure to look after me right across the hall. The day I changed my mind about moving was when he told us, "I was just telling my wife (separated), I don't want to get to know you folks." He doesn't want to see us go.
November 13, 2005:
To sit with a man who knows he is dying changes the way you look at things. I remember the first day I realized he was dying. I came home and took a shower to hide my tears. I felt so sad.
Now, I just try and spend as much time with him as I can. Every time I go see him, I know I am going to have to be in there for at least an hour and it's going to be 90 degrees. But for me it's worth it if I have the time. I want to spend as much time with him as I can while he is here with us.
If I met him today and started writing about him, he would be a completely different person to me. He ALWAYS needs help. Harrison had to go pick him up off the floor again yesterday. We took him a walker, and some other medical supplies that make it easier to bath and go to the bathroom. I guess none of those things can help you much when your body is deteriorating.
I am so grateful and thankful that we have endured all that we have here(at the apartments) just for the chance to be apart of Mr. Penny's life.
Mr. Penny- An old man with dark skin and dark hair that is highlighted by his silvery age. A former government employee, he spends his day getting drunk, talking to people as they pass by. He doesn't like Joe http://aesopsfables.blogspot.com/2005_03_01_aesopsfables_archive.html and let him and everyone else know it. Joe thinks he's joking. He stopped James and me yesterday to announce that we were going to be living across the hall from him. He demanded that there would be no loud music, no drinking and no partying. I said, " Why is it ok for you to drink, but not ok for us?" Naturally, he was to busy making jokes to answer the question.
From what I gather, he used to walk a lot. His small, frail body reflects that. It seems he had a stroke in his sleep one night and lost most of his functions of his dominant hand. His spirits are high (although I am told they aren't always).
June 29, 2005 My journal reads:
Mr. Penny- A man that reminds me of home. He represents kindness and family and truth. He's the kind of person you don't mind listening to, even when you are running late. He has great stories to tell, he's always good for a laugh, although, I don't see him smile much.
He's going down hill pretty quickly. He'd never admit it though. He appreciates being thought of and checked in on but refuses any "help." He won't hesitate to ask for a soda when his meds are making his mouth dry.
He sits in his cluttered apartment of 16 years, listening to the radio. He never goes into his bedroom. He has lived in the building since it was built. He knows stories no one else knows, like, why there is a huge dip in my living room floor.
I want to move so badly because of the consistent knocking on our door. Now, I don't want to because I know I have a neighbor, a friend, and a grandpa type figure to look after me right across the hall. The day I changed my mind about moving was when he told us, "I was just telling my wife (separated), I don't want to get to know you folks." He doesn't want to see us go.
November 13, 2005:
To sit with a man who knows he is dying changes the way you look at things. I remember the first day I realized he was dying. I came home and took a shower to hide my tears. I felt so sad.
Now, I just try and spend as much time with him as I can. Every time I go see him, I know I am going to have to be in there for at least an hour and it's going to be 90 degrees. But for me it's worth it if I have the time. I want to spend as much time with him as I can while he is here with us.
If I met him today and started writing about him, he would be a completely different person to me. He ALWAYS needs help. Harrison had to go pick him up off the floor again yesterday. We took him a walker, and some other medical supplies that make it easier to bath and go to the bathroom. I guess none of those things can help you much when your body is deteriorating.
I am so grateful and thankful that we have endured all that we have here(at the apartments) just for the chance to be apart of Mr. Penny's life.
Sunday, October 30, 2005
The moral is...things never happen the way you plan them.
***WARNING*** This entry may contain pictures that may be offensive.
Over two weeks ago, I started bothering James about having a Halloween Party. Halloween is James' favorite holiday and this is the first year we have had the opputunity to "celebrate." He agreed pending the location of the party. Our apartment's living room floor needs some major repair and couldn't accomadate the weight of too many guests.
We found an empty apartment and began calling our friends. We asked our friends if they would be available because we didn't want to start planning if no one would be there. When it looked like we had 10-15 people coming we dropped a lot of money and pulled it all together.
At one point, our friend John was going to bring out his turn tables to play music but wasn't going to put forth the effort for 10-15 people. He put a post up on the internet and we thouht we would have TOO many people showing up.
10pm finally arrives. Everything is finish; candles lit, fog machine going and dry ice bubbling away. Brad and Amy arrive "on time" which is amazing. Shortly behing them is our friend John. Things are looking good and we continue to anticipate a good turn out.
10:30pm I'm tired of standing looking for everyone so I call my Topeka friends to tell them just to call me when they get there so I can let them in. John suggests that if no one gets there by 11:00 we go back to our apartment because the "haunted apartment" is freaking him out. No way in hell was I leaving after all the work and money we put into it.
10:45pm James sends me back out to look for people. "Maybe someone forgot their cell phone and they don't know that you called," someone said. I go outside and find our friend Mike arriving. I stay outsid for a while and call and my friends again, sounding pathetic, begging them to come.
11:00 Harrison's kids show up and "crash" the party but Harrison hasn't shown up yet. They kind of gave us the illusion that a party was starting to happen. Finally, our friend Holly responds to my desperate phone call insisting that I didn't sound pathetic! She said she would make an appearance but she needed sleep so she couldn't stay long.
Once Holly and arrison arrived about the same time and from then on we had a party. I was extremely dissapointed with the turn out and dissapointed by the people who hadn't stuck to what they had told me, we just enjoyed the people that had come out. I think some good lessons were learned that night. While I have pretty strong things to say about the people that let me down, the party helped me appreciate the people that did come.
Holly especially. She didn't even get her "invite" until the day before. We hardly see her any more. We are HORRIBLE about keeping in touch with her. And she ended up staying until everyone decided at 2:30am that it was time to call it a night. We need to do a much better job keeping up with friends like Holly and less time with the people that make us feel like we love them more than they love us. (Julie...I know you know what I am talking about!)
Let's move on to the decor. The pictures we took were either too dark or too bright. I was unsuccessful at capturing how perfect the mood was. You walk into the living room which was dimly lit. There wasn't anything especially scary but the mood was right.
In the kitchen/dining room area there were two refigerators and two stoves. On fridge for drinks and the other because it was already there. The ovens were open and glowing red. On contained a creepy baby on a rusty pan.
You walk down the hall to your right is the first bathroom. This bathroom wasn't functioning.
To the left was the first bedroom containing a murder scene. In the daylight or under the bright flash of the camera, the blood looks fake to me. The only light in that room was from a tv with a white screen. Very creepy.
Further down the hall was the maze to the functioning bathroom. The bloody path of the maze was creepy enough on it's own. But then there was a strobe and haunting music in the background. I thoung it was VERY successful.
The second bathroom was looking pretty creepy until someone who helped us decorate decided the toilet. But I thought that was the worst part about the whole "haunted house" and that really wasn't that bad. So I think it was all a sucess.
Over two weeks ago, I started bothering James about having a Halloween Party. Halloween is James' favorite holiday and this is the first year we have had the opputunity to "celebrate." He agreed pending the location of the party. Our apartment's living room floor needs some major repair and couldn't accomadate the weight of too many guests.
We found an empty apartment and began calling our friends. We asked our friends if they would be available because we didn't want to start planning if no one would be there. When it looked like we had 10-15 people coming we dropped a lot of money and pulled it all together.
At one point, our friend John was going to bring out his turn tables to play music but wasn't going to put forth the effort for 10-15 people. He put a post up on the internet and we thouht we would have TOO many people showing up.
10pm finally arrives. Everything is finish; candles lit, fog machine going and dry ice bubbling away. Brad and Amy arrive "on time" which is amazing. Shortly behing them is our friend John. Things are looking good and we continue to anticipate a good turn out.
10:30pm I'm tired of standing looking for everyone so I call my Topeka friends to tell them just to call me when they get there so I can let them in. John suggests that if no one gets there by 11:00 we go back to our apartment because the "haunted apartment" is freaking him out. No way in hell was I leaving after all the work and money we put into it.
10:45pm James sends me back out to look for people. "Maybe someone forgot their cell phone and they don't know that you called," someone said. I go outside and find our friend Mike arriving. I stay outsid for a while and call and my friends again, sounding pathetic, begging them to come.
11:00 Harrison's kids show up and "crash" the party but Harrison hasn't shown up yet. They kind of gave us the illusion that a party was starting to happen. Finally, our friend Holly responds to my desperate phone call insisting that I didn't sound pathetic! She said she would make an appearance but she needed sleep so she couldn't stay long.
Once Holly and arrison arrived about the same time and from then on we had a party. I was extremely dissapointed with the turn out and dissapointed by the people who hadn't stuck to what they had told me, we just enjoyed the people that had come out. I think some good lessons were learned that night. While I have pretty strong things to say about the people that let me down, the party helped me appreciate the people that did come.
Holly especially. She didn't even get her "invite" until the day before. We hardly see her any more. We are HORRIBLE about keeping in touch with her. And she ended up staying until everyone decided at 2:30am that it was time to call it a night. We need to do a much better job keeping up with friends like Holly and less time with the people that make us feel like we love them more than they love us. (Julie...I know you know what I am talking about!)
Let's move on to the decor. The pictures we took were either too dark or too bright. I was unsuccessful at capturing how perfect the mood was. You walk into the living room which was dimly lit. There wasn't anything especially scary but the mood was right.
In the kitchen/dining room area there were two refigerators and two stoves. On fridge for drinks and the other because it was already there. The ovens were open and glowing red. On contained a creepy baby on a rusty pan.
You walk down the hall to your right is the first bathroom. This bathroom wasn't functioning.
To the left was the first bedroom containing a murder scene. In the daylight or under the bright flash of the camera, the blood looks fake to me. The only light in that room was from a tv with a white screen. Very creepy.
Further down the hall was the maze to the functioning bathroom. The bloody path of the maze was creepy enough on it's own. But then there was a strobe and haunting music in the background. I thoung it was VERY successful.
The second bathroom was looking pretty creepy until someone who helped us decorate decided the toilet. But I thought that was the worst part about the whole "haunted house" and that really wasn't that bad. So I think it was all a sucess.
Friday, October 28, 2005
How have I managed to allow ONE person, continually take away from me the things I hold dear. I'm not talking about my husband. And I would think, I would give my husband more power over my life than this person has. Yet regularly, I let this person manipulate situations over and over and over again. This person doesn't even know that he or she is even doing anything wrong. I am the one that usually comes across as a nasty person because I find myself regularly irritable around them. My husband regularly is manipulated by this person too and it's taking over our lives. I wish he could find the strength to stand up and say what he want so I wouldn't feel like I am in this alone. I just keep think...someday soon I'll be in Alaska and then I will probably miss my friends and family. I will probably look back on these times and wished I had had more patience. So that's what I'm going to do; be patient and roll with the punches.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Elizabeth and Sammi
Today was Elizabeth's first day of school. The day was a great day for taking pictures and I was lucky to get a lot of good shots. I also took a lot of pictures of Sammi since I had the oppurtunity to spend some one on one time with her. Here are some of the pictures. For more pictures go to here!
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Katrina
I know that not many people read my blog but at the off chance that the right person stumbles upon it I am going to post this entry.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/slightclutter/39718496/in/set-847243/
Emma Green talks to a new friend in the parking lot of Toys-R-Us, a makeshift collection and distribution center for relief supplies. Emma asked me to thank Irene (last name unknown) if I published a photo of her. She was overwhelmed by the kindness of everyone she had met. She is in Houston with her daughter, two grand-daughters (seen in earlier photos), and two grandsons. They were about to head to Humble, Texas to try to find shelter. I loved this family. I gave them my number... just in case.
My second promise was to mention her sisters names, sisters, also from New Orleans, whom she has no idea how to contact, nor does she know where they are.
Sisters:
Helen White
Diane Leslie
Jessie Hall
Ruby Bullock
Williemae Minnor
Again, if anyone has any information regarding these individuals, please contact me. I know it is a longshot, but stranger things have happened.
Please click the above link to see the picture. I love the pictures this person took. They are raw and real. Not so Hollywood like the media. Take some time to look at them.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/slightclutter/39718496/in/set-847243/
Emma Green talks to a new friend in the parking lot of Toys-R-Us, a makeshift collection and distribution center for relief supplies. Emma asked me to thank Irene (last name unknown) if I published a photo of her. She was overwhelmed by the kindness of everyone she had met. She is in Houston with her daughter, two grand-daughters (seen in earlier photos), and two grandsons. They were about to head to Humble, Texas to try to find shelter. I loved this family. I gave them my number... just in case.
My second promise was to mention her sisters names, sisters, also from New Orleans, whom she has no idea how to contact, nor does she know where they are.
Sisters:
Helen White
Diane Leslie
Jessie Hall
Ruby Bullock
Williemae Minnor
Again, if anyone has any information regarding these individuals, please contact me. I know it is a longshot, but stranger things have happened.
Please click the above link to see the picture. I love the pictures this person took. They are raw and real. Not so Hollywood like the media. Take some time to look at them.
Friday, August 05, 2005
Kitty
Yesterday evening, we (Harrison, Brad, James and I) congregated outside at the end of their busy work day discussing all the crazy things that had happened through out the day. A group of 6-8 kids come walking through the parking lot talking about the tiny kitten they had played with in the parking lot of the church up the hill. The girls had left the kitten with a group of boys who were playing basketball. With no intention of bringing the cat home, Brad and I walked up the hill to see the cat. The girls chased us all the way there and all the way back hoping the cat could become the apartment mascot. The poor kitten was too tiny to be left alone. Brad, who has three cats already picked it up and carried it back to our apartment.
James came up to the apartment and tried not to like the cat but understood how desperately the kitten needed attention.
Only three to four weeks only, she was covered with hundreds of fleas that were well hidden until her much hated flea bath. We discussed putting an ad in the paper but this poor cat hasn't just been out over night. I am pretty sure she is malnurished and dehydrated.
It looks as though we may have an addition to our family. For now we are just trying to make sure she is taken care of. We'll see! But for know it's a sure thing that we aren't getting new carpet.
Please let me know if you know of anyone who may want a cat. James and I are mildly allergic to cats and would prefer to find her a good home. She is VERY loving and social!
James came up to the apartment and tried not to like the cat but understood how desperately the kitten needed attention.
Only three to four weeks only, she was covered with hundreds of fleas that were well hidden until her much hated flea bath. We discussed putting an ad in the paper but this poor cat hasn't just been out over night. I am pretty sure she is malnurished and dehydrated. It looks as though we may have an addition to our family. For now we are just trying to make sure she is taken care of. We'll see! But for know it's a sure thing that we aren't getting new carpet.Please let me know if you know of anyone who may want a cat. James and I are mildly allergic to cats and would prefer to find her a good home. She is VERY loving and social!
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Random thoughts
As I showered, I considered what I may tell my daughter some day about shaving her legs. I shave mine because it is a learned habit. I started shaving the day I started my period in the 6th 9r 7th grade and I thought it was a HUGE deal. I looked foward to it because I liked the way my mom's legs looked; shiny, smooth, dark and defined. Perfect legs. Now, I like the way MY legs look shaved. And sadly, it's not just my legs...I shave quite a few other places people never see, including my armpits.
So back to what I would tell my daughter. I would want her, even at a young age to think about why(or why not) she wants to do something. After thinking about why, whether I agree or not, I would probably let her. I just don't think people think about why they do things. People ,too quickly, fall into doing what everyone else does to fulfill the need of fitting in and being excepted.
Then I thought, the human race is pretty creative. It comes across as daring, exotic, and special to be an artist. NO! Artists just have the drive and the passion to do what they do. I think their drive is what seperates them from the rest of us.
If people aren't naturally artistic, why is there such a demand for people to be fashionable, wear make-up have nice hair styles and haircuts, drive fancy cars, have nice houses (inside and out). There is evidence of of art EVERYWHERE.
My new boss, Diana, thinks she isn't artistic. I hear that too often from people and it drives me crazy. Again there is evidence of art in her life everywhere. Ahe doesn't think she's artistic?!?!?!? She drew me the coolest drawing of sesame street characters the other day. Even I, someone who considers themself artistic, wouldn't have taken the time to paint something that was well in a simple art project with a young child.
So back to what I would tell my daughter. I would want her, even at a young age to think about why(or why not) she wants to do something. After thinking about why, whether I agree or not, I would probably let her. I just don't think people think about why they do things. People ,too quickly, fall into doing what everyone else does to fulfill the need of fitting in and being excepted.
Then I thought, the human race is pretty creative. It comes across as daring, exotic, and special to be an artist. NO! Artists just have the drive and the passion to do what they do. I think their drive is what seperates them from the rest of us.
If people aren't naturally artistic, why is there such a demand for people to be fashionable, wear make-up have nice hair styles and haircuts, drive fancy cars, have nice houses (inside and out). There is evidence of of art EVERYWHERE.
My new boss, Diana, thinks she isn't artistic. I hear that too often from people and it drives me crazy. Again there is evidence of art in her life everywhere. Ahe doesn't think she's artistic?!?!?!? She drew me the coolest drawing of sesame street characters the other day. Even I, someone who considers themself artistic, wouldn't have taken the time to paint something that was well in a simple art project with a young child.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
The world is starting to wake up and I wish they wouldn't. I have been enjoying the gentle noise of the rain and the thunder which have dissapeared and been replaced by car doors, voices, cars driving on the wet street.
Here's some raw words from my journal this morning.
they'll think i'm crazy for waking up "too" early. it will be unclear to them, the beauty i have seen this a.m. as the sun shines, the rain falls and the thunder boomers argue over what i'll see next. there is happiness here in my solitude. silence filled with thoughs to put a smile on my face and make the bad times easier. sheltered from the rain, i find it soothing to listen and look out the window at the new day. there are no time limits i have to meet, no expectations wearing me down. i can just be...
it's magic outside. everything is moving. there is so much life and movement right now as the rest of the house is dreaming the day away. and they won't understand why i don't want to miss this.
As I sat there writing I could see the family in the building across from us moving their belongings. We call them "The Refugees," a name given to them before we ever got her. And that is what they are, refugees from Africa. Catholic Charities wants to move in another family soon. Which is ok now that this other family is leaving because they can use the same destroyed apartment. They use a certain spice that kind of smells like curry that you can smell a mile away. The other guy that works here tells a story about going into their apartment to fix their fridge(that they didn't know was broken) and their was half of a bloody head in the sink. He said it was too small to be a horse and too big to be a dog. He still doesn't have a clue what kind of meat they ha for dinner that night.
Here is some of what I wrote about them.
and they too don't understand. those people outside my window. and i don't understand them. i wish i could. maybe that's what makes them so appealing. the fact that i don't understand why they sit in a circle and eat rice off the carpet. she smiles amd waves at me, like i am someone she knows as i wave to her to say hello. i wonder if she is relieved to see a language she knows: a simple hello. if i knew more than hello i might ask the why they eat off the carpet. why they have colorful drapes hanging from every inch of their home. why they came here and what they were trying to escape from. why the bathtub is used for washing dishes and dumping leftover rice.
Here's some raw words from my journal this morning.
they'll think i'm crazy for waking up "too" early. it will be unclear to them, the beauty i have seen this a.m. as the sun shines, the rain falls and the thunder boomers argue over what i'll see next. there is happiness here in my solitude. silence filled with thoughs to put a smile on my face and make the bad times easier. sheltered from the rain, i find it soothing to listen and look out the window at the new day. there are no time limits i have to meet, no expectations wearing me down. i can just be...
it's magic outside. everything is moving. there is so much life and movement right now as the rest of the house is dreaming the day away. and they won't understand why i don't want to miss this.
As I sat there writing I could see the family in the building across from us moving their belongings. We call them "The Refugees," a name given to them before we ever got her. And that is what they are, refugees from Africa. Catholic Charities wants to move in another family soon. Which is ok now that this other family is leaving because they can use the same destroyed apartment. They use a certain spice that kind of smells like curry that you can smell a mile away. The other guy that works here tells a story about going into their apartment to fix their fridge(that they didn't know was broken) and their was half of a bloody head in the sink. He said it was too small to be a horse and too big to be a dog. He still doesn't have a clue what kind of meat they ha for dinner that night.
Here is some of what I wrote about them.
and they too don't understand. those people outside my window. and i don't understand them. i wish i could. maybe that's what makes them so appealing. the fact that i don't understand why they sit in a circle and eat rice off the carpet. she smiles amd waves at me, like i am someone she knows as i wave to her to say hello. i wonder if she is relieved to see a language she knows: a simple hello. if i knew more than hello i might ask the why they eat off the carpet. why they have colorful drapes hanging from every inch of their home. why they came here and what they were trying to escape from. why the bathtub is used for washing dishes and dumping leftover rice.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Our cable was out last night in Wyondotte County so we had rented some movies. Of course, ONLY to be watch AFTER "House." (An addiction of mine, thanks to James and my mother.) James and I were about an hour into the first when we heard a male voice coming out of our tv. I got up and backed up the movie and it wasn't there the second time. Because the cable wasn't working, we had hooked up an antenna so the basic channels would come in clearly. That was one of the most bizaar experiences I think I have experienced thus far.
Any words of wisdom as to how some man's voice(probably from a two way radio) came out of our tv?
Any words of wisdom as to how some man's voice(probably from a two way radio) came out of our tv?
Sunday, June 26, 2005
The moral is...Weekend getaways are a MUST!
The knocking has already started. The longer we live here at Misty Glen, the more people knock on our door. James is still liking what he does here but everyone needs a day off. James hasn't had one in a while and as you know I have been stessed out about my job for months now. We decided to take matters into our own hands.
We just got back a little over an hour ago from our weekend get-away. We took off Firday afternoon and headed in the direction of Columbia Missouri. We didn't get far before we were ready to stop. We stopped at a KOA in Oak Gove, MO right outside of Kansas City.
We were just relieved to be away from the complex. We played mini golf on their home made course and went swimming after dark for about 20 minutes. James cooked pasta alfredo for dinner on the campstove and by the time we had started the fire, I was ready for bed.
I almost always go to bed early and get up early. We both woke up, 45 minutes before check out. It was fun to sleep in but I had planned on swimming more in the morning!
We grabbed some flyers from the office after we checked out and then headed to Columbia, MO. We stopped at an outlet mall on the way but it was too hot for shopping in the strip mall. (I won't mention that James "accidentally" drove right past the scapbook store) When we got to Columbia, we went to Walmart and bought a memory card for my new camera I got for my birthday. Then, we headed off to the visitors center across town.
They didn't have much to say but it gave a direction to go it. We headed down south to Devil's Icebox, a cave James was familiar with. That part of the cave we got to go in was not Devil's Icebox because you have to enter that one by canoe. It's only open two months out of the year because of the water levels.
The part we did get to see was amazing!
The we headed to Cooper's Landing which is supposed to be wild on the weekends. They have live music and camoing on the water. When we got there it didn't look like something we would enjoy! SO we kept heading down South to the area we had wanted to go to all along. I'm not sure why we didn't go down there earlier in the day. By 8:30 we had reserved a cabin in Lebanon, MO at NRO that had canoe rentals that we were looking foward to the next day.
I made a friend while we were there.
Again we had a very relaxing evening and I made it to a campfire that night. James still wanted to stay up later so I started punching him until he gave in. We went in to get water to put out the fire and I think more water ended up on us then in the fire.
NRO was packed with abnoxious people our age but they were all down by the water. I'm glad we didn't decide to camp! All that was left of them the next morning was there huge piles of trash and beer cans. The river was beautiful. After our 7 mile float we did out typical bickering about wether to stop or continue on for another 7 miles. We both knew we should stop but we both wanted to keep going. We finally determined it would be best to stop but we had to go back soon and do it again.
The trip was awesome! We had a blast. We really have to do that more often!
We just got back a little over an hour ago from our weekend get-away. We took off Firday afternoon and headed in the direction of Columbia Missouri. We didn't get far before we were ready to stop. We stopped at a KOA in Oak Gove, MO right outside of Kansas City.
We were just relieved to be away from the complex. We played mini golf on their home made course and went swimming after dark for about 20 minutes. James cooked pasta alfredo for dinner on the campstove and by the time we had started the fire, I was ready for bed.
I almost always go to bed early and get up early. We both woke up, 45 minutes before check out. It was fun to sleep in but I had planned on swimming more in the morning!
We grabbed some flyers from the office after we checked out and then headed to Columbia, MO. We stopped at an outlet mall on the way but it was too hot for shopping in the strip mall. (I won't mention that James "accidentally" drove right past the scapbook store) When we got to Columbia, we went to Walmart and bought a memory card for my new camera I got for my birthday. Then, we headed off to the visitors center across town.
They didn't have much to say but it gave a direction to go it. We headed down south to Devil's Icebox, a cave James was familiar with. That part of the cave we got to go in was not Devil's Icebox because you have to enter that one by canoe. It's only open two months out of the year because of the water levels.
The part we did get to see was amazing!
The we headed to Cooper's Landing which is supposed to be wild on the weekends. They have live music and camoing on the water. When we got there it didn't look like something we would enjoy! SO we kept heading down South to the area we had wanted to go to all along. I'm not sure why we didn't go down there earlier in the day. By 8:30 we had reserved a cabin in Lebanon, MO at NRO that had canoe rentals that we were looking foward to the next day.
I made a friend while we were there.
Again we had a very relaxing evening and I made it to a campfire that night. James still wanted to stay up later so I started punching him until he gave in. We went in to get water to put out the fire and I think more water ended up on us then in the fire.
NRO was packed with abnoxious people our age but they were all down by the water. I'm glad we didn't decide to camp! All that was left of them the next morning was there huge piles of trash and beer cans. The river was beautiful. After our 7 mile float we did out typical bickering about wether to stop or continue on for another 7 miles. We both knew we should stop but we both wanted to keep going. We finally determined it would be best to stop but we had to go back soon and do it again.
The trip was awesome! We had a blast. We really have to do that more often!
Friday, June 17, 2005
Job Update
My last day of work is going to be sometime around the 15th of August. Amazingly enough, things are going better than ever. I wish the job had been like this from the beginging!
I was offered another position on Wednesday. At first I was aprehensive about it because I didn't feel that they knew enough about me to make a good decision. I wasn't TRYING to get the job, I was just being myself and letting whatever happen. It's only two days a week for about a year and then it would be for full time. The pay is better and the more I work, the more I get paid! Seems reasonable! I feel like my personality fits better with this family. The wife took more time yesterday to tell me more about their family and we have a lot in common. I thinks that's pretty cool!
The only problem is they want me to start on July 18th but both I and the family I am working for have commited to the middle of Aug and I have to stick with that. I know the new family is a little bit more flexible on the start date but I don't know that they can wait that long. I am hoping that they do though. We'll see!
I was offered another position on Wednesday. At first I was aprehensive about it because I didn't feel that they knew enough about me to make a good decision. I wasn't TRYING to get the job, I was just being myself and letting whatever happen. It's only two days a week for about a year and then it would be for full time. The pay is better and the more I work, the more I get paid! Seems reasonable! I feel like my personality fits better with this family. The wife took more time yesterday to tell me more about their family and we have a lot in common. I thinks that's pretty cool!
The only problem is they want me to start on July 18th but both I and the family I am working for have commited to the middle of Aug and I have to stick with that. I know the new family is a little bit more flexible on the start date but I don't know that they can wait that long. I am hoping that they do though. We'll see!
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Trip to FL
The biggest concern when children reunite with their birth parents is how the birthmother or child will fell about the situation. Some birthmoms don't want to be found, others want their babies back and others just want to make sure the kid is ok.
Long story short, I am so glad that my mom found her and brought her into our lives. She is an amazing person and she has a very cool family that I am excited to add to my mine!
This is my biological half sister, Cassie. She is already very special to me and I have only known her for two months.
This is my birthmom, Tonia.
Tonia turned out to be better than I could have dreamed her to be. For more fun filled pictures of my trip, check out
http://www.flickr.com/photos/21877391@N00/
Long story short, I am so glad that my mom found her and brought her into our lives. She is an amazing person and she has a very cool family that I am excited to add to my mine!
This is my biological half sister, Cassie. She is already very special to me and I have only known her for two months.
This is my birthmom, Tonia.
Tonia turned out to be better than I could have dreamed her to be. For more fun filled pictures of my trip, check out
http://www.flickr.com/photos/21877391@N00/
After about two months of being frustrated with work, I finally told The Husband that I was unhappy. At first I was heart broken, thinking about leaving the baby who I spend my days with. By the time I got home, I was relieved at the thought of not having to keep up this schedule for very much longer.
In the begining I was upset that he didn't understand all the things that were bothering me. In response to the long hours he said, "What kind of hours do you think you would be working at a real job," and "I don't think you have worked more that 40 hours a week since you have been here."
I regards to the low pay, "___'s kindergarden teacher,_______, made less than $1300 a month last year."
Money isn't that big of a concern to me but I am spending $60-75 a week in gas. So on the high end of things I spend $300 a month in gas, leaving $1000 a month minus taxes.
As a teacher, even in the worst situation I was in, I got respect. Parents and the people I was around, told me I was doing a good job. I felt like the work I was doing was making a positive influence on people's lives and I was appreciated for it. Now, I hardly get any respect from the seven year old and I am told not to take it personal. That child knows he is the boss of me. When I talked to him about how he felt about me leaving he said, "We can give you some time off."
Unfortunately, I have been cursed with knowing what it is like to love your job no matter how much you dislike the people around you or how hard it is. What is all boils down to is, I don't love this job.
I felt like I was living my whole day for this family. I went from being with my husband 24/7 to seeing him a few hours a day. My mom warned me about that too. I believed these people. I trusted the things they said because I told them I didn't want to get screwed. I thought things were made clear by both parties what was expected.
I believed them when they said they didn't expect me to clean. I was expected to clean up after myself and the kids. That was the opposite of what was told to me the day I told him how unhappy I was.
It will be over soon! And the job search continues!
In the begining I was upset that he didn't understand all the things that were bothering me. In response to the long hours he said, "What kind of hours do you think you would be working at a real job," and "I don't think you have worked more that 40 hours a week since you have been here."
I regards to the low pay, "___'s kindergarden teacher,_______, made less than $1300 a month last year."
Money isn't that big of a concern to me but I am spending $60-75 a week in gas. So on the high end of things I spend $300 a month in gas, leaving $1000 a month minus taxes.
As a teacher, even in the worst situation I was in, I got respect. Parents and the people I was around, told me I was doing a good job. I felt like the work I was doing was making a positive influence on people's lives and I was appreciated for it. Now, I hardly get any respect from the seven year old and I am told not to take it personal. That child knows he is the boss of me. When I talked to him about how he felt about me leaving he said, "We can give you some time off."
Unfortunately, I have been cursed with knowing what it is like to love your job no matter how much you dislike the people around you or how hard it is. What is all boils down to is, I don't love this job.
I felt like I was living my whole day for this family. I went from being with my husband 24/7 to seeing him a few hours a day. My mom warned me about that too. I believed these people. I trusted the things they said because I told them I didn't want to get screwed. I thought things were made clear by both parties what was expected.
I believed them when they said they didn't expect me to clean. I was expected to clean up after myself and the kids. That was the opposite of what was told to me the day I told him how unhappy I was.
It will be over soon! And the job search continues!
Friday, May 13, 2005
As you may have read previously, my mom found my birth mother and we have been corresponding ever since. After talking more with her on the phone and speaking with my biological half-sister, I thought more about going to visit.
I started looking at prices for the next four day weekend I would have, which was Memorial Day weekend. As the time to book a ticket quickly approached, I discussed the idea with my employers. Due to the unfortunate death of the wife's father, they told me that they would be leaving again the week of that holiday. I tell them that I had considered taking Monday to Friday to go to FL, as it would be much cheaper.
When I took the job, it was understood that when they had to go away, I would still be paid. When I had to be away, I wouldn't. Now I am being told, that it has always been understood that if the nanny can't watch the house while they are gone, she doesn't get paid. I know we talked briefly about it when we talked about vacation but I was never told I was expected to watch their house while they were gone! I thought I could use that time as I pleased because they had chosen to take the time to be gone.
I was also told by one of them that they would back me up and support me through this time because they knew it was important for me to have closure. Closure for what exactly?
Baby is awake now...more on this later.
I started looking at prices for the next four day weekend I would have, which was Memorial Day weekend. As the time to book a ticket quickly approached, I discussed the idea with my employers. Due to the unfortunate death of the wife's father, they told me that they would be leaving again the week of that holiday. I tell them that I had considered taking Monday to Friday to go to FL, as it would be much cheaper.
When I took the job, it was understood that when they had to go away, I would still be paid. When I had to be away, I wouldn't. Now I am being told, that it has always been understood that if the nanny can't watch the house while they are gone, she doesn't get paid. I know we talked briefly about it when we talked about vacation but I was never told I was expected to watch their house while they were gone! I thought I could use that time as I pleased because they had chosen to take the time to be gone.
I was also told by one of them that they would back me up and support me through this time because they knew it was important for me to have closure. Closure for what exactly?
Baby is awake now...more on this later.
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