Thursday, June 29, 2006


Check out pictures of my buddies from Crimes of the Heart!

P.S. I am trying yo get a good blog entry in soon. I have been spending every spare minute, literally, trying to catch up in my class that ended today. That means 5 weeks of work in 36 hours...AHHHHH!!! I hate being a grown up. Contratulations to all the grown ups who have children and still manage to get through school. I am sleep deprived enough as it is. I can't imagine trying to do this with children!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


Last week, a friend of mine wrote me a letter concerning my blog entry June 9th. Naturally, you may be quick to assume that the second entry that day was due to this letter. I will admit that it certainly was brought on by that moment but it has been something I have wanted to write about it for a while. Please, if you have a comment to make about something I write, leave a comment or if it's privite, send me an email. I just don't do well with putting my feelings out there and then having everyone ask about it. If I wanted to take the time to talk about it, we would have discussed it already.

This friend made some really good points. I have re-read and re-read the letter. Trying to figure out what I was so upset about and what I can learn from this experience. Being a great writer and an intellegent, mature person, he said some things that struck me.

Like I said before, I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings. But the one thing he said was that, hypothetically speaking, people could base conclusions about people based on what I had written about the cast members.

Since I didn't use names, I figured I was safe in saying how I felt about things. Then a person, familiar with the show made a comment about what I had written and there was some misunderstanding as to who exactly I was talking about and what all had happened. That really wasn't a problem, especially when there was more information provided but it made me think. I know my friend was right in saying conclusions could be made based on what I had written...and now I have been provided proof.

I still don't know what to do about it. Should I simply avoid topics that I feel stongly with? Obviously, talking about people is going to come up every now an again, so what do I do to not piss any body off. Or do I worry about it at all? Maybe I should just deal with challenges as they come up.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

My Birthday!

My birthday has already gotten off to a great start. My mother-in-law took the girls and I out to eat for lunch today. I love that she took the time to deal with the exciting element children bring to an experience. Those girls aren't her family so I wouldn't have expected her to want to deal with it. But those girls are MY family and I was excited she wanted to be with all of us. As if that wasn't enough, she took us to a bead store in Lenexa and gave me a spending limit. I got some really awesome beads! So took care of the girls to make sure I got to look around this store that I was terrified to take Sammi (20 months) into!

Then it gets even better! My boss, is amazing. She is bringing the girls out to Lawrence on Thursday morning for my birthday. That is about the best birthday present ever.

Now the rest of you have alot to live up to! I love to have my birthday made a big deal of but it doesn't have to be about the monetary things. Of course, that's always a bonus but I am still just BLOWN away that my boss is taking the time to bring the girls out. They are such a wonderful family!!! It's so simple and sweet and that's what makes it so special!

Friday, June 09, 2006


I think my days of on line journaling is about to be over. What the fuck is a blog supposed to be for? (Yeah, I use fowl language...A if I do keep writing, you can expect to hear/see more of it.) If you chose to read my blog, you chose to take me and except me for all of who I am. Thank god my mom and dad do! But I can't stand continually hurting people's feelings because I say what is on my mind at that MOMENT. It's a moment and by me getting it out in the open it makes it easier for me to deal with. I get to caught up in the negative stuff and I try and get it out so I can move on and be happy. This public writing isn't working out to well for me. I try to sensor things to make sure I don't hurt anyone's feelings but no matter how vague I keep things, I end up hurting someone's feelings. Someone always wants to know if I meant them. My mom always told me not to write things down if I didn't want people to read it. The paper journal has worked out for me pretty well so far, and I am ok with someone, someday after I die, reading what I wrote. I've fucked up. I've done things I'm not proud of...and I have written about so I can get over it so it doesn't take over my life and bog me down.

Maybe tomorrow I will have something to say about all of this but for now I am sad and upset and TIRED. I am SO tired I can't even stand it.

Crimes of The Heart opens June 16th!!!

Rehearsals are going much better. I am getting to know my cast mates better which has been exciting and frustrating all at the same time. My biggest frustration on this show is learning my lines. And there are a TON of them. I have a lot of stage time and my character is not a quiet person.

There is one girl in the show who tries to boss me around as if that is going to make me magically learn my lines. I know it is frustrating when someone you are working with constantly has problems remembering their lines but there is not much more I can do about it at this point. I set up extra appointments with people to work on lines, she gets there late, gets distracted by every little thing imaginable, and then has the nerve to tell me how to memorize my lines. After about the 10th distraction, she is confused as to why I insist on leaving and working on it at a different time. Then she tells me obvious information that I already knew as if I don't care and I'm not working hard. She just isn't very respectful to other people's time. It's ALWAYS about her...never about anyone else. God forbid.

We lost one of our main characters to illness and had to replace her. The first replacement, from Lawrence, dropped out too. She had agreed to take me home that day so I was stuck in Topeka. My cast is awesome and just about everyone volunteered to drive me home on their tank of gas. So anyway, we finally got our new cast member a week ago (keep in mind, we open in a week). She is kicking our asses. She has SO many lines memorized, her southern dialect is pretty darn good, and I think she is a cool girl. She is 17'd never guess it though. She fits in the group well and brings an interesting dynamic to the production.

There are two men in the play. One is 25, and has done a lot in his life. Probably more than I care to know about. He is nice, respectful, polite and always encouraging to other cast members. When I got stuck in Topeka, he offered to take me home on his motorcycle if it scare the shit out of me. I turned him down at the time since going 70 or 80 miles an hour down the highway did scare the crap put of me. I asked for a rain check...something a little bit more calm like a ride around the block! He keeps busy and doesn't share too much about his personal life. As I learn more about him, the more I am intrigued by him. There is much more to be discovered about this gentleman.

The other guy is 19. That's they person I have show with. He confuses the hell out of me. I don't know him super well but from what I have observed, he is very introverted but very passionate about his music. It's almost as if he is so into his music, it make it difficult for him to socialize. He doesn't really say how he feels about anything and he is always ok with everything. We hung out on Wednesday in between rehearsals. Excluding the time I spend with my James, I had more fun with him in just a few hours than I have had in a long time. I just felt really comfortable as if we had been friends for a long time. It's exciting to meet someone I think I could be good friends with. Music is our common ground and it's exciting to me. We worked on one of his songs he had written and now I am even MORE excited about our show. Then yesterday he was acting so strange. He didn't want to hang out because he had a lot of stuff to do. That's understandable. But then at rehearsal he seemed so withdrawn.He was supposed to give me some CDs so I could start working on some songs but then he took off after rehearsal was over. I know he had a headache and it could be as simple as that but then when I called him later to ask him about it I got the "accidental answer." You know, when someone accidentally answers when they meant to hang up and make the phone quite ringing. It's just strange. I am sure I am making something out of nothing. I guess, I just want so badly for this to work out well because I am so excited about our music compatibility. I worry too because he really doesn't need me. I don't really even know if he wants me to play with him. He says he does but for one show only or long term or what. I guess I will just have to see what tomorrow brings.

Then there is my friend from Lawrence who is also in the play. We always seem to be on the same page. We are open and honest about EVERYTHING...maybe a little too open and honest. But it works for us. I am SO grateful to have her in the show. We have known each other a long time but we are just now getting to be GOOD friends. I never imagined we would get along as well as we do. It make sense's one of those situations where we were either going to love or hate each other. The biggest thing I look for in friends is honesty, openness and RESPECT. You wouldn't think it would be that difficult, but it has been for me.

That's all for now, folks!

Monday, June 05, 2006

August 9th

I just booked my first official gig yesterday. It all kind of happened by accident. Let's back up a few weeks...

I started rehearsals for Crimes of the Heart at WU a few weeks ago. When we got our contact sheet, I went home and looked everyone up on myspace and facebook, cause I'm just nerdy like that. I found the myspace page for a guy named Matt ( I was blown away to not only see that this guy was the same age as my siblings but he was a wonderful musician. I emailed Matt right away and told him that I was in a folk band but we hadn't done all that much yet but we kind of in the same genre as him. We agreed that we would eventually get together and jam.

James' friend from work, books bands for different events. I knew this but hadn't really talked to him much about it. We've talked a lot about my work with the band but I he hadn't offered and I hadn't asked to be booked since neither of us think the band is ready. Plus, he has a reputation to uphold and would only book stuff he was confident would be sucessful. From what I know, he really only book bands he is super familiar with and not often new bands just getting started.

Yesterday , it was pouring so I gave James' friend (well my friend too, but he and James are close),Tom, a ride to work and asked him more about it.

I said, "So, how do you book your bands? Do you book anybody or just your friends, or what?"

He explained that it started out that he would just help his friends book shows but now it has turned into something more. "Are you wanting me to book you?"

I said, " Well, me, eventually. But this I was asking for this guy I know." I discribed Matt and how I had found him. I told him about his music and that I wanted to work with him on some stuff.

Later that afternoon, as we were leaving his house, we were talking music like always. He asked me if I would be interested in singing back up vocals for his roommate. James and I told him that was something I was very stong at and I would love to do it. He listened to two tracks of Matt's and booked both of us to sing together. I was just trying to get Matt booked for something but I wasn't about to turn down my first offical gig. Now that would just be dumb.

But here I am now, about to dive into a new project with someone I barely know and we are performing in two months! Ahh! Our play opens in less than two weeks. Our theater class ends in four and then we will have a whole month to pull together a 45 minute set between the two of us. I'll have to rely heavily on him though because he's plays all the instruments.

Matt is excited about the collaboration, thank goodness. Within the bluegrass/folk genre we are at the opposite ends of the spectrum so I think we will have a really unique sound. We'll see what happens. Now is the rush to see what we can call ourselves. We'll be taking creative suggestions over the next week so Tom can get flyers reprinted with our name and date on it! Yeah!

Ok, so here is the info you need to know. Wednesday, August 9th, 7:30pm at Louise's Upstairs in Lawrence. It's a bar so the show will be 21+. Here is the info I am unclear on...I think it is two dollars if you get there before 7pm and three dollars after 7pm. I hope everyone can make it!

Prom Update

Prom was an amazing experience. We started our night by meeting some of my band members at the Jackpot, in Lawrence. Listening to the radio on the ride over, we heard that there was a long line of people waiting to get in so we were in no hurry to get to Kansas City.

The Prom started at 6pm or 6:30pm and we didn't even get there until 8:45pm or so...ok, this is never goinging to get finished...

Here is part of a paper I wrote about the concert.

On April 5, 2006, my husband and I got dressed up and went to an Alternative concert that was apart of an event called “Second Chance Prom.” It was sponsored by Kansas City, Alternative radio station, 96.5 The Buzz. The event started at 6pm but the headlining band, The Dresden Dolls, weren’t playing until 10pm. We took our time going out to Kansas City from Lawrence, not really knowing what to expect.

My husband has been a fan of alternative music for a long time. I, on the other hand, only started listening to it as a way to not sing on the long car rides commuting from place to place. I listen to a wide variety of music, usually depending on my current mood! I don’t mind alternative but it isn’t my favorite thing to listen to.
When we arrived to The Madrid Theatre, the setting was your typical prom setting. There where cheesy gold and silver decorations everywhere. The audience was filled with people who looked like they would be “misfits” in high school. There were many people there who looked like they may have been apart of the “in crowd” in high school. It was a strange combination of people. There were people with colored hair and costume outfits. Lots of people proudly wore dark make up, tattoos and odd piercing. Strangely, I felt very comfortable, like I, for once, didn’t stand out in a crowd.

The Dresden Dolls where accompanied by a living statue that stood still for three hours in the main lobby. There opening act was a group of belly dancers. I had only heard a song or two on the radio and was beginning to really wonder what else to expect.

The two members of the ensemble finally came on stage, also dressed in their prom attire. Amanda, composer, vocalist, and pianist wore a green prom dress from the 1980s. The drummer, Brian, also wore a dress from the 1980s but it was quickly removed and he wore a pair of boxers for the remainder of their performance. Based on all the exterior craziness, I imagined we were going to call it an early night.

The piano started softly, in a very repetitive sequence sparked my interest right away. As the song continued, it was very warm, and energetic. Most of their music kind of sounds the same; dark and rich. I have been having a difficult time finding words to describe their music. I heard their style of music referred to as “Punk Cabaret.” Strangely, that kind of makes sense to me but I am not sure why. It reminds me of something you might hear in a Cabaret or Vaudeville performance.

I missed the audience reaction to the artists. Some people sat upstairs on the balcony while others stood up close to the front of the stage. I did both. My eyes were glued to the performers as this passion poured from their very being. I have never seen musicians play as passionately as these two were. Music could have been coming from their pores!

Amanda uses her voice and lyrics like an instrument. Much like the early vocalist of Jazz, she uses the voice in a variety of ways to help add to song. Her words and vocal quality help paint a picture of the emotions she is trying to display. Listening to her songs was (and still is) like hearing a story.

The couple exited the stage at the end of their set. They were gone for what felt like forever. They came back on to play their new single, Sing, a beautifully melodic song with a beautiful message about using music as an instrument for communication. The words, “Just sing!” rang out, followed by a series of notes and tight harmonies that make you want to sing out in agreement! A perfect ending to this wonderful evening!

I went home energized and excited. Well that’s not entirely true because I fell asleep on the way home! The next few days, I craved that experience again. I wanted their music around me all the time. I finally got their old album about a week later and I couldn’t shut it off. This music made me feel. Some songs make me want to dance, while others make me want to cry. The point is that it makes me feel something deeper than most music has ever done for me before.

I don’t know that I would recommend that anyone go out and buy theses albums or go to their concert. I think The Dresden Dolls are amazing and write songs about truth and real issues. With reality, comes issues some people don’t want to hear about. The idea of “out of sight, out of mind” is not a popular theme of this music. This music presents problems as if, just by discussing it, it will make it better. This music is not for the easily offended! I would recommend giving it with an open mind!

The Dresden Dolls are coming back to KC in July. I had my heart set on going but I didn't buy tickets because I didn't have the money. Now they are sold out...grrrr. Maybe I can win tickets again. But at least I can say I had the oppurtnity to see them once!!

Here are some pictures from that night!

Going to the Prom

Going to the Prom